Q: Several months ago, my husband and I allowed our five-year-old daughter to sleep with us for a couple of nights. We thought this was innocent, but she began crying hysterically when we tried to move her back to her own bed. We compromised by letting her keep her iPad with her until she fell asleep but quickly realized that her device keeps her awake well past OUR bedtime. If we try to make her turn it off, she becomes highly agitated and it’s just not worth it. How can we get her back in her own bed without dramatics?

A: I can help you get your daughter back in her own bed, without a device, but “without dramatics” is a non-starter at this point.

The pertinent question: Why do you and your husband have difficulty making decisions that upset your daughter, especially given that the decisions in question—she sleeps in her own bed through the night and without an electronic insomnia machine—are good ones?

Good & Bad Reasons to Have Sex

DEAR SUSAN:
I read your book "Single File" a while back and now want to reread your list of good and bad reasons for having sex. Knowing more than I did then, I'm sure I will make some changes —From the ‘Single File’ Blog

DEAR BLOGGER:
Before we start, a broad smile of gratitude from this columnist for your willingness to take another look at your reasons for having sex; the willingness to rethink choices in such an important part of life shows growth and flexibility. Bravo!

After reading each reason, write "yes" or "no" next to it. Undecided takes extra time. You decide whether each is good or bad for you.

“They say the best teachers are good learners,
and you should learn something new
every day.”
– The Uphill Skater –

 
Being schooled, getting trained, taking lessons—these scenarios conjure up some old corny cliches for me. They say the best teachers are good learners, and you should learn something new every day. They also say you are never too old to learn, and we go to school every day of our lives. I happen to be a big fan of corny old sayings, and especially some of these, because they are all, to my mind, somewhat true. 

Back in the day, I was a teacher, and I loved it! Even though I no longer work, I am still teaching. I taught my grandson how to read; I taught my dog how to fetch; and I taught my neighbor how to crochet. That may not sound like much, but as a benefit of all of this, I learned a great deal.

Ahh January! To most of us January is all about renewal, resolutions and packing up those holiday memories. For those in the film industry with award season right around the corner, January takes on its own meaning. It’s all about the buzz. Here are a few films people are Buzzing about.

The Fabelmans
Director: Steven Spielberg
Michelle Williams, Gabriel LaBelle, Paul Dano
Growing up in post WWII era Arizona, young Sammy Fabelman aspires to be a filmmaker as he reaches adolescence, but he soon discovers a shattering family secret and explores how the power of films can help see him see the truth.

There is one thing for sure when it comes to obesity: It is not good for you! While the fashion industry and pop-culture are starting to veer away from stick-thin models, the “big” trend is swaying to meet its over-sized consumers, but that doesn’t mean being over-sized is healthy. Fact is, obesity is a leading contributor of almost every disease, from diabetes to heart disease, to high blood pressure to joint pain. The great news is any amount of weight loss—even 5-percent of your body weight—may help the possible invasion of disease recede!

Make 2023 your 5-percent year! Even if you weigh 200, all you have to lose is 10 pounds to help your body get a little healthier—literally less than a quarter pound per week. Find a program that fits you, one you will enjoy, and most importantly, that you can sustain. Don’t make this year about losing weight and then gain it back. It’s time to just lose it…because your health has so incredibly much to gain if you do!

Q: My husband and I recently visited our son’s family. We live two thousand miles apart, and with the pandemic and all, hadn’t seen one another in several years. We were appalled to discover that they—our daughter-in-law in particular—practice “gentle parenting,” which seemed to explain our two grands’ generally disrespectful and disobedient behavior. When we confronted our son about the craziness in his household, he told us it was his wife’s “thing” and he was going along with it to keep peace. Is it us, or is it “gentle parenting”?

A: “Gentle parenting,” boils down to treating children as if they are rational, reasonable equals. That significant numbers of adults actually think a constant downpour of love will magically transform a child into a person of that description would be mind-boggling if it wasn’t just one more symptom of these anti-intellectual times. Furthermore, your son’s admission that he is only going along with his wife to keep peace is telling of the fact that in too many an American household, the father has zero say in how the children are being raised. The woman he refers to as “my wife” has all but completely abdicated her proper role. She’s a full-time mommy. He would be more accurate in calling her “my children’s mother,” albeit even “my” is questionable from a strictly philosophical perspective.

DEAR SUSAN:
What can I do to make life entail more than dating and work? Is there an actual plan? There must be more than this to single life. —From the "Single File" blog

DEAR SINGLE FRIEND:
There is, indeed, much more to being single—when you take time to make a plan. Nothing too complicated, for sure, but it does take some thinking. If you're up for it, start by answering these questions: What are your favorite sports? What do you do on weekends? How do you express your creativity? Consider this List 1.

For List 2, imagine all the things you would like to do. This may take some time, so feel free to dream a little—here and now. And remember this is a wish list only, not necessarily realistic. You may not have a month to lavish In your favorite activity, but it just might make you realize how hungry you are to get back to it.

“I have made a difference in at least two lives
in my own small way, and I am proud of it.
You can do it too.”
– The Uphill Skater –

#BeTheDifference is a tall order in a world full of different people, different lifestyles, different belief systems and a huge variety of simply too much stuff. How in the world can one person be any kind of force for change, or make an actual difference. I mean really, I am not Meghan Markle, or Dolly Parton, or even Elizabeth Millen. So, what can just one little person honestly do? Not much, right?

Wrong! I have made a difference in at least two lives in my own small way, and I am proud of it. You can do it too, if you haven’t already. It is easy; adopt a child. I do not mean take a child into your home, unless you feel called to do so, but what I have done is adopted a child overseas. As a teacher, resource specialist and private tutor, I have helped many young people, but the adoption process is different. I believe with all my heart I have changed lives and made a difference.

Office parties, family visits, ugly Christmas sweaters, red and green decorations, baking, shopping, holiday cards, traditions, popcorn strung with cranberry ribbons, candles, twinkly lights…and holiday movies galore! Pick your favorites and don’t miss out. Holiday movies add tradition, fun and family time to help make the season extra special. What are your favorites?

The Reel Corner recommends as you gather for movie time, make some popcorn or hot chocolate and stream the following:
> It’s a Wonderful Life
> Elf
> Home Alone
> A Christmas Story
> Scrooged
> Jingle All The Way
> The Grinch Who Stole Christmas—both versions
> A Charlie Brown Christmas

Hearing is one of those things most of us take for granted. Unfortunately, most of us will eventually experience impaired, or at least dulled, hearing as we age. However, there are experts out there who can help us maintain our hearing for as long as possible. There is also good news in that hearing enhancements are getting better and more technologically advanced all the time. That’s not to say crank up the leaf blower and put your earbuds in, but keep reading, and you will find intriguing information about how to protect your hearing and what to do when people start asking, “Can you hear me now?”

One of the characteristics of a truly civilized society is the ubiquitous use of proper social courtesies. Raising a child is all about civilizing the savage within; therefore, “manners,” as they are known, should be taught to a child early and diligently.

A parent recently wrote me, asking, “What’s the most important social courtesy to teach a child?”

My answer to that great question: To not interrupt adult conversations.

In learning not to interrupt,
a child learns patience, which is to say, impulse control.

It also strengthens the social boundary that should exist between the child and adults; hence, the child’s respect for adults. In other words, being taught not to interrupt adult conversations, including phone conversations, benefits the child as much or more than it benefits adults.

DEAR SUSAN: I had plans to go to a movie with my BFF and was really looking forward to dishing with her over a meal afterward. But this afternoon, she phoned and canceled. Why? Because some new man in her life wants to see her tonight. What am I, chopped liver? ­—From the "Single File" blog

DEAR READER: Ouch. It hurts to be told your company is considered second-rate, (distant) runner-up to the male. Even an unknown commodity—which this new man certainly is—gets preferential treatment when it comes to scheduling time. Not only are you, her best friend, given basement status, but also the substitution came at the last minute, with little or no explanation or regrets. You certainly have a right to feel devalued as a person and as a same-sex buddy. Your BFF just announced that time with a same-sex friend is cheap, simply a filler until a man enters the picture. Like your best friend, many women devalue every form of companionship while waiting for The Man Who Isn't There. Because they consider themselves alone if they share time with someone other than a "live one," they almost turn cartwheels to share their time with a man. You are correct in feeling like an also-ran, because that's how you rank in your BFF's mind. (Incidentally, you might consider changing her title to BFUUM, best friend until and unless a man comes along.) By the way, chopped liver is considered by some to be a gourmet delicacy.

“Old friends, new friends, and friends who are no longer with us bring back so many memories. Looking back is good, but looking forward is better!”
– The Uphill Skater –

Frequently asked questions in the beginning of new friendships used to be something like where did you two meet, or did someone introduce you, or notions to that effect. The answers were things like introductions by mutual friends, meeting at church, meeting at work, or the ever popular “We met in a bar!” That is my favorite, of course, because that is where I met my husband, and back in the day, that was probably a very common answer. Meeting new friends and finding and building relationships were almost always pretty much face-to-face. Of course, nowadays most anyone under the age of 40 will tell a different story. 

Thanksgiving Day is the annual national holiday in the United States celebrating the harvest and blessings of the past year. Americans generally believe Thanksgiving is modeled on a 1621 harvest feast shared by the English colonists (Pilgrims) of Plymouth and the Wampanoag Native Americans.

In honor of being thankful, family and food the “Reel Corner” found some new gems you might enjoy and decided to remind you of a couple old classics, too..

DELICIOUS
Grégory Gadebois, Isabelle Carré | Director: Éric Besnard

Set in the 1700s, with the help of a young woman, a chef who has been sacked by his master, finds the strength to free himself from his position as a servant and open the first restaurant in France.

Maintaining good health for your bones is recommended at every age. Moderate exercise and vitamin-rich nutrition can help keep your skeleton in tip-top condition. However, aging bones can weaken and, in severe cases, become brittle. Bone health is usually not thought about until there’s a problem. That’s why it’s time to put your bones on your prevention radar to help reduce your risk of breaking a bone, maintaining good posture and reducing aches and pains. We asked our doctors to get us started on taking care of our bones and share his knowledge about bone health with us. Read on to learn more.

The mother of a 5-year-old girl tells her to dress for school. The child replies, insolence abounding, “No! I don’t want to, and I’m not going to!” Mom tells her that if she doesn’t dress, she will go to school in her pajamas. The child dresses. And that’s the end of it. Or is it?

“Did I do the right thing?” Mom asks.

“Was her defiance on that occasion a one-off?”

“Oh, no,” Mom replies. “She defies me about most things.”

“Then you achieved getting her to put on her clothes,” I answer, “but you made no dent in the real problem.”

DEAR SUSAN:
You're always writing about “undependence” —the word you coined that means wholeness, I guess. Well, I've proved that I can do it all—be a good parent, have a life, work, manage it all. But now what? I'm so darned lonely. —From the "Single File" blog

“Old friends, new friends, and friends who are no longer
with us bring back so many memories.
Looking back is good, but looking forward is better!”
– The Uphill Skater –

Frequently asked questions in the beginning of new friendships used to be something like where did you two meet, or did someone introduce you, or notions to that effect. The answers were things like introductions by mutual friends, meeting at church, meeting at work, or the ever popular “We met in a bar!” That is my favorite, of course, because that is where I met my husband, and back in the day, that was probably a very common answer. Meeting new friends and finding and building relationships were almost always pretty much face-to-face. Of course, nowadays most anyone under the age of 40 will tell a different story. 

Who are your favorite mystery types—Agatha Christie, Alfred Hitchcock, Sherlock Holmes, or Philip Marlowe?

Mystery films date back to the silent film era and are usually a genre that revolves around the solution to a problem or crime. They focus on the efforts of a detective or amateur sleuth to solve the mysterious circumstances by means of clues, investigation and clever deduction. As such, viewers’ interest stays on high alert, looking for clues as feverishly as the famous sleuths.

The plot often centers on the deductive ability, prowess, confidence, or diligence of the detective as he attempts to unravel the mystery by piecing together even the smallest of clues and circumstances, seeking evidence, interrogating witnesses and tracking down whodunnit.

Hormones are essential to our overall health, but it can be difficult to keep them in balance. Too much of one hormone, or too little of another, can have a major impact on our well-being. As advocates for women, we decided to ask local experts for the best ways to handle these hormonal fluctuations to reach our optimum health goals!

Q: The school our 10-year-old daughter attends believes parents should micromanage homework sessions – they call it “being a homework buddy.” As a consequence, our daughter believes we should help her with her assignments. Mind you, we’re willing to help when help is truly needed, but we don’t want to be our daughter’s “buddies” under any circumstances. What are your thoughts on this?

A: When are teachers, administrators, and college professors going to realize that enabling by any other name is still enabling? Homework buddies? Give me a break! Back in the dark ages of my youth, when children did their homework independently, they did their homework, and student achievement was considerably higher than it has been since.

DEAR SUSAN:
You’re always going on about head games between men and women, yet I’ve read where you are a strong believer in a woman’s mystery. Please explain. —From the “Single File’’ Blog

DEAR BLOGGER:
The mystery I favor is poles apart from the senseless and childish phoniness so common in the dating game. It takes a clever woman (yes, mystery is usually associated with the female of the species.) It has to do with not telling your life story from day one too early in a promising relationship. Be charming, soft, feminine. Leave plenty of silent spaces in the conversation for him to tell his story. Don’t laugh too often, but do smile when appropriate.

“Okay, we have six Healthy Habits, so here is MY #7.”
– The Uphill Skater –

I do have another Healthy Habit, and it is one that I really feel should be on the list. I will call it “keep up” for lack of a better way to describe it. Sometimes I, you, we, take each day as it comes and get sort of ho-hum about things as we skate along. I think it’s a good thing to do this once in a while for a mental breather, but honestly, in general, aren’t we better than that? As you read this month’s Skating Uphill, think about it and how you want to be. I know that saying one should always be their best selves gets old, boring and nagging, but do please just give it some thought. 

Bad new abounds as we are bombarded daily with news about climate change, random violence, Ukraine conflict and secret documents. We are dealing with inflation, shrinkflation, high gas prices, ridiculous housing prices, flight cancellations and more doomsday films than should be allowed—much of which is out of our control. What can help?

How about a couple of hours of comedy? Comedy is personal; some prefer RomComs and others prefer improvisational comedy or slap stick. Whatever the preference, frequent doses of comedy can be healing. In fact, it’s an often-overlooked tool in our arsenal to maintain good health. During times when we are barraged with economic, social, political and health problems, it’s wise to turn to a not-so-obvious way to protect ourselves—laughing.

I knew Jana O’Bryan was going to be special when three different colleagues and her boss wrote to nominate her for our monthly day of pampering—the Pink Makeover. They said things like “To meet Jana is to have an instant connection. She’s kind, listens with intention and genuinely engages you. I cannot get enough of her!” and “Jana is so very deserving of a special day dedicated just for her. She always puts others first; it’s time she was recognized for the compassionate, dedicated woman of integrity that she is.”

They were spot on, as Jana was a pleasure to spend an afternoon with and watch her transform. When Jana walked into The Hair Designers Salon at Village at Wexford with her daughter, Ashtin, in tow, we were all excited to get started. Mark Goodman, salon owner, has more credentials than this article has space. He is a master at color, cut and making people look—and feel—their absolute best.