The Pink Panel - November 2026

Moderated By Judith Lawrenson

Dear Pink Panel,

I’m in charge of the care of my 92-year-old grandmother. 
She won’t leave her home, and she has had the same home helper, who I hired years ago when she retired.
Grandma says she loves her, but lately, I have noticed small bruises on her upper arms and torso. 
Nothing has been said by anyone. Give me a way to approach this with tact, please!

Signed,
Kelly



Answers from the Pink Panel

Riley: Handle this as quickly as you possibly can. It may be something easily solved and harmless, but perhaps not. I know first-hand. A friend of mine’s grandmother started to cry when visitors came but never said why. It turned out not to be her who was being abused but the woman in the room next to her in assisted living, a very nice and expensive place. 

One of the male nurses was not only stealing from her but also slapping her and keeping her from the bathroom so she would wet the bed. It was awful. My friend’s grandma knew about it, but both of them were afraid to speak up. Finally, they went to the head nurse together in tears, and it was quickly and quietly handled. But these things can go more than one way sometimes. The fact that both of them went was important, but it should have been done much sooner. The friends and family who noticed Grandma crying were too slow to act, and I don’t know what was wrong with the other woman’s family, but I repeat, if you see something, say something! There is an old saying, “ Where there’s smoke there is fire.”

Judith Lawrenson, Moderator:I totally agree with Riley. Jump on this immediately but don’t jump too hard. There could be a variety of circumstances involved.  I happen to know of a case that involved a dear friend who was responsible for the care of her sister, and it had a totally unexpected outcome. My friend started to notice bruises on her sister’s upper body and arms where you might grab someone to shake them or force them into a position. Her caregiver was a new young man just out of training. The difficulty was my friend’s sister seemed to especially like him. Anyway, my friend went to a supervisor rather than the young man and that turned out to be the exact right approach. It turned out that the young man had mostly been trained with larger male patients and was just a little too aggressive. With a bit of retraining and several meetings with everyone involved the situation was successfully resolved. I get that this is not always the case, of course, but my point is that things were put out in the open right away, and that it was all up front. This is key to not only solving this situation, but to most other things that arise in life!

The Final Word, Elizabeth Millen: This is something I know a lot about. My mother is 95 years old, and she bruises terribly with very small touches. Recently, she was sick, and I had to help her out of the chair. I put my arms under hers and pulled her up. She shouted it hurt and, of course, her thin, crepey skin started to turn blue almost immediately.

Another thing to consider is the medications your grandmother is taking. Some meds, especially blood thinners, contribute to easily bruising. And usually, the bruises look much worse than what actually caused them. My mom fell once and it blackened her eye, but she looked like she had been hit with a baseball bat.

With all this said, however, don’t ever rule out negligence or possible abuse without checking out the situation thoroughly. If your grandmother still has her memory and comprehension abilities, talk to her about it. Be sure to do it face-to-face so you can read her expressions and pick up on her emotions in talking about it. And also have a conversation with the helper. If she’s been with your family a long time, chances are you have a good enough relationship to support an honest conversation. Lastly, if you have suspicions that abuse is happening, you have to make an immediate change. An alternative, which many people are doing these days, is to install cameras to monitor the situation and really pay attention to any new marks or bruises she may have. If abuse is happening, her demeanor will naturally change, which is something else in which to pay close attention. Like most situations, follow your intuition, and if you’re in doubt, move grandma out.

 

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If you have a question for The Pink Panel, email Judith Lawrenson at at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. The Pink Panel will do their best to give thought-provoking guidance. Remember, panel members’ ages range from 15 to 80, so you are bound to get a wide variety of advice.

Meet This Month's  Panel-----------------------------------

- Judith Lawrenson: Pink Panel Moderator, freelance writer, volunteer, and educator

- Riley: rising high school sophomore, active in sports, studious.  science fair winner

- Elizabeth: publisher of Pink Magazine, business owner, mom, writer, observer of life and human behavior