The Pink Panel - July 2026

Moderated By Judith Lawrenson

Dear Pink Panel,

How would you handle rejection from a family member you had thought to be close?
By this, I mean, I did not feel any open animosity, and there has been
no argument that I know of. I am totally unsure if I should make a move
or leave this situation to play out. Can you help me?

Signed,
Roni


Answers from the Pink Panel

Judith Lawrenson, Moderator: I read a book about this very thing, written by a woman who had completely dropped her son from her life. The book was about toxic family members, so it may not apply in this case, but she had a unique take stating she felt like a huge weight had been removed from her whole life.

As I checked further on this, it appears that 38 percent of families have at least one member who is alienated. I’m not shocked because my family has a similar circumstance. Does yours? Let’s see what our panel has to say.

Riley: There must have been something to upset the family member even if you were not aware of it. My best advice is to sit down with them, if possible, and try to get them to open up and discuss what’s wrong, especially if the other person is refusing to communicate with anyone. I think it is fruitless to simply wait for them to make a move. Being open about your feelings and just having good communication is the key to any relationship, and I believe it’s the best thing to do to solve any sort of argument. 

Judith Lawrenson, Moderator: This is great advice, Riley, IF they will sit down with you. Sometimes lack of communication is the root of the problem.

As I checked further on this, it appears that 38 percent of families have at least one member who is alienated. I’m not shocked because my family has a similar circumstance. Does yours? Let’s see what our panel has to say.

Caroline: We have had many ups and downs in my extended family because both sides come from completely different places on the life spectrum for sure! We also have some issues because of distance since several of us now do not live near home like we used to. We do not have a family member who has been “put out” so to speak, but we do have a member who has done just the opposite and removed herself without anyone really knowing why. No responses, no holiday visits, no kids back and forth in the summers, no letters or calls, just out! I guess no one has made a move on this because, if I am honest, our lives are easier without her. That does happen, you know…I think that feeling of simply not being a part of the tribe happens quite a lot. Interesting that those people she has dumped are not very sad about it, huh?

Renee: This question hits very close to home for me. COVID-19 hit people in many different ways, and because of the isolation, I found myself on opposite sides of the issue with a very close relative. Before COVID I had always thought of this person as both a relative and very close friend. Now, I believe that COVID brought her true feelings to the surface, and to tell the truth, she barely tolerates me on the few times we need to be together. I can think of nothing I did to deserve this change. It has taken me several years to stop mourning this loss of love, but now I have sort of gone from a feeling of loss to anger. 

My advice on the matter is to search your heart to see if there is something you have done to cause a riff, but keep in mind that it may be NO fault of yours. Discuss the matter without anger only if you can but heal yourself first. You have no control over the feelings of others. You cannot let something not of your doing rule your life. I let my situation consume me for quite a while, and I regret it. Move on! Your life and the lives of those you love are much more important.

Judith Lawrenson, Moderator: Okay, so I too have an estranged family member. My brother and I have not spoken for years. I’m unsure if I’ve done the right thing or not, but to be perfectly honest, I am past it. We were never close and there came a final straw. I must say I was and am relieved to be free of worry and concern. I like Renee’s advice: Move on!

 Elizabeth, what do you say?

The Final Word, Elizabeth Millen: This topic hits too close to home for me, as well. I have a couple of situations in my family that are almost identical to what Renee and Judith described, and it’s difficult to navigate. I see them both at family reunions and the family Christmas gathering, so if I were to remove myself, I would sacrifice seeing everyone else who I look forward to seeing. But it feels different now, and I don’t look forward to it like I used to. I don’t think this question has one solid answer because there are many situations that cause distance. In some cases, separation is absolutely necessary. If there is abuse, pure ugliness, long-term disparagement, I would minimize time with that person as much as possible. If you do have to deal with him/her, make it minimal and keep it to business—no emotions. And have set limits before you start a conversation. Know what you plan to do if the interaction turns to old arguments, criticisms, or nastiness.

Sometimes, when you have a problem with one family member or friend, it can start to feel unwelcoming, like everyone is against you or taking sides. If the person has always been fairly reasonable and kind, my advice is to try to have a conversation and see what’s going on. The problem may not have anything to do you, and he or she may appreciate a listening ear. I’m not sure if this helps because I’m the first to admit I haven’t solved my own issues. But I’m so glad you reached out, Roni, because talking about it always helps.

 

If you have a question for The Pink Panel, email Judith Lawrenson at at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. The Pink Panel will do their best to give thought-provoking guidance. Remember, panel members’ ages range from 15 to 80, so you are bound to get a wide variety of advice.

Meet This Month's  Panel-----------------------------------

- Renee: accounts manager, youth group leader, grandmother. Renee recently started a women’s Bible study on the Book of Genesis, and there was so much
difference of opinion and argument she nearly quit! She stuck with it, made some modifications, and the group not only survived, but it is growing!

- Carolyn: mother of five, homeschooler, pharmacist, military spouse

- Judith Lawrenson: Pink Panel Moderator, freelance writer, volunteer, and educator

- Riley: rising high school freshman, active in sports, studious.  science fair winner

- Elizabeth: publisher of Pink Magazine, business owner, mom, writer, observer of life and human behavior