The Pink Panel - July 2025
Moderated By Judith Lawrenson
Dear Pink Panel,
My husband recently retired, and he has been in front of the TV ever since.
PINK ladies, I need some help with how to approach “household job sharing” without seeming to be a nag! Based on your experiences, any ideas?
Signed,
Pamela G.
Answers from the Pink Panel
Judith Lawrenson, Moderator: Sometimes it is really hard not to be a nag when you see someone sitting, and you know what needs to be done and done now! I was quite surprised by the similarities of the answers this month, and I am wondering what readers feel. Drop an email if you have an opinion or another question.
Riley: I would recommend this be dealt with using utmost honesty, politeness, and fairness. It is okay to take time to relax and settle down, but he should also make an effort to help out with the responsibilities around the house. You can phrase it as if he is the one helping you with the task to make it seem as if it is not as grueling or time-consuming. It would be best to just be honest about what you need help with and let him know his assistance would be greatly appreciated. ( Judith, Moderator: I liked this answer very much and to me it implies that a sit-down discussion with give and take may be in order.)
Renee: Boy, did this question ever hit me in the stomach! My husband, Jeff, has been retired for five years and has yet to “find himself.” Here are a few things I have tried that have at least worked partially. First, we both like road trips, and he likes to be in charge. We have traveled twice now with another couple, and Jeff literally plans the entire trip. He does it right down to the miles per day and restaurants that have specials. He loves doing it, and he does it well.
He also is very good at following exact directions but is not a self-starter in the house. I have found that if I give specific and limited tasks with very detailed instructions, the job is done when I come home. And when I say detailed instructions, I am not kidding. Being a wonderful grandad is also one of his skills. He loves to babysit our grands, and this frees up our daughter-in-law and me a great deal. I think the key to all of this is to play to their strengths. (Judith, Moderator: This is a great idea, of course, but first you must find a person’s strong gifts, and this could be a problem!)
Carolyn: My husband is in the military (as you may remember), so he is not always at home. When he is, he is very good at doing big chores and repairs. My issue, of course, is how to organize my five adorable kiddos. I try to look for things they like to do for fun and try to transfer that into a job description. My three boys love to be outside and operate machinery, so they mow, edge, and trim without much urging. Sometimes, this will transfer into vacuuming or operating the squirting mop, as they call it. They are also pretty good to put laundry in the white basket for light clothing and the black basket for dark clothing. This may seem like a no-brainer to you, but somehow it is not for boys aged 13, 11 and 9. My little twins like to rinse the dishes and stack the dishwasher in creative ways. They also love to “decorate” the house, which is a bit of a mixed blessing, but we go with it. In short, I guess you could say that I play to likes and strong points. It works for me. What works for you? (Judith, Moderator: So, it seems we have some similar answers from panel members who are in different stages of life.)
The Final Word, Elizabeth Millen: I believe retiring is more difficult than people let on because a career usually provides individuals with an identity, purpose, and routine. If we’re lucky, our careers are all about being involved in southing we find interesting, meaningful, and impactful. Once retired, one can experience emptiness, an unsureness and literally feel lost. Questions like “Who am I now?” “What is my purpose?” “What am I going to do today?” arise and can be overwhelming. And what do we all usually do when overwhelmed? Shutdown! Thus, TV is a natural mind-numbing escape from the hard questions.
Your husband is probably still trying to find his way, and more than likely, needs help in finding new purpose, feeling useful, and establishing a new routine. The best approach is having a heart-to-heart to address what the “new normal” is going to look like for you, him, and even the dog. Things are different, and it cannot go unnoticed. Design a plan together that includes household chores, joining organizations, volunteering with a charity, having fun play dates that may involve golf, pickleball, tennis or going to the beach. Tell each other what you want and need—your likes and dislikes. Decide who’s in charge of what. When you have a planned routine, it’s hard to whittle away hours in front of the television. Retirement is supposed to be a rewarding fun time of life—the hard-earned and coveted golden years—but it will only be wonderful if you plan it and do it with purpose. My last suggestion is to have a centralized activity calendar where you both can keep track of who does what, when, and who’s going where on what days. This way, everyone has daily direction, there is open communication, and I believe your relationship will even be enhanced.
Judith Lawrenson, Moderator: All of these answers have one thing in common. All are centered around kindness and advise to look for and try to match something that works not just for one member of the crew but keeps everyone happy. This works, I might add, and not to be cynical, as long as everyone wants to get along, get stuff done, and have a happy life. I wish that for all of you. See you next month for the PINK PANEL!
If you have a question for The Pink Panel, email Judith Lawrenson at at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. The Pink Panel will do their best to give thought-provoking guidance. Remember, panel members’ ages range from 13 to 80, so you are bound to get a wide variety of advice.
Meet the Panel--------------------------------------------------
- Renee: accounts manager, youth group leader, grandmother. Renee recently started a women’s Bible study on the Book of Genesis, and there was so much
difference of opinion and argument she nearly quit! She stuck with it, made some modifications, and the group not only survived, but it is growing!
- Carolyn: mother of five, homeschooler, pharmacist, military spouse
- Judith Lawrenson: Pink Panel Moderator, freelance writer, volunteer, and educator
- Riley: rising high school freshman, active in sports, studious. science fair winner
- Elizabeth: publisher of Pink Magazine, business owner, mom, writer, observer of life and human behavior
Would you like advice from The Pink Panel? Email Judith your question at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..