The Pink Panel - December 2025
Moderated By Judith Lawrenson
Dear Pink Panel,
My sister-in-law gets mad if you buy her a Christmas gift that’s not on her list. I like to do what I call ‘free shop’, meaning if I see something that reminds me of a person or that I think they’ll love, I get it, even if it’s not on the list. So, here is my question: Is it rude or insensitive to veer off the list?
Signed, Allison
Answers from the Pink Panel
Riley: I believe a gift should always be accepted with gratitude. Someone put time and effort into picking out a present, and even though you may not be a fan of it, thanking them is always the right thing to do.
Judith Lawrenson, Moderator: I thought Riley would have an answer like this. She is very sweet, kind, and dear. I must say that I disagree with her a little bit. Somehow regifting and gift exchange do not seem like horrible things to me. Shouldn't someone get a gift that they actually want and like?
Renee: I don’t think it is rude or thoughtless to give someone a gift not on their list. Its a GIFT, after all! On the other hand, I do always ask for suggestions. I will not buy anyone a video game, but that's just me. I also try to stick to a register if it is a baby shower or bridal gift. I think a gift should take some thought and emotion, not just putting a check on a list. I love it when someone tells me that this gift just "spoke my name" to them. We all have too much stuff. Let's look for not just another thing, but a gift from the heart.
Judith Lawrenson, Moderator: Great attitude! When you get a gift from Renee, you know that it was something she believed would make you happy. It is not just about the receiver, the gift is about the giver, too!
Caroline: Well, if I gave my children everything they asked for, we would be living in a castle somewhere between Walt Disney World and Hawaii on a cloud in the sky. We would have five dogs, three cats, a parakeet, and candy clothing! I must say though, I always make an effort to honor requests. If it is not something we can afford, I will pass the request on to grandparents or aunts and uncles. Although we are a big extended family, we communicate very well and sometimes it is Granny who comes up with the big present or Uncle Bob who has a lovely and hardly used bow and arrow set to pass down. We also count family trips as gifts, and everyone has input on where we go. We do the best we can, but sometimes that "I want" just cannot be managed, and I always hope we all understand that.
Judith Lawrenson, Moderator: Do I ever get that! I remember one Christmas I got a pillowcase full of my cousin’s hand-me-downs, and I was thrilled. To sum up, NO, No, No! It’s not rude or out of line to not fulfill a request. Renee said it...it is a gift, not a right. Maybe you won't get what you asked for from me, but it will be something I wanted you to have, and I bought it out of love!
The Final Word, Elizabeth Millen: I believe Christmas is special, so I don’t enjoy buying necessities as a gift, like underwear, especially if they can afford it themselves. However, I’ve changed my mindset after reading everyone’s answers. I’ve decided it’s best just to follow someone’s list. If the list maker wants mundane stuff, honor it. She’s not looking for magic, and therefore, she’ll never find it. What you think may add joy to her life, won’t. Though you may not like her list, her gift(s) should be about her, especially if she won’t spring for her own undies—bless her heart. So, for Santa’s sake, go buy your sister-in-law those granny panties with joy, put a giant bow on them, and tell her to hold them up for everyone to see when she opens them!
If you have a question for The Pink Panel, email Judith Lawrenson at at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. The Pink Panel will do their best to give thought-provoking guidance. Remember, panel members’ ages range from 13 to 80, so you are bound to get a wide variety of advice.
If you have a question for The Pink Panel, email Judith Lawrenson at at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. The Pink Panel will do their best to give thought-provoking guidance. Remember, panel members’ ages range from 13 to 80, so you are bound to get a wide variety of advice.
Meet the Panel--------------------------------------------------
- Renee: accounts manager, youth group leader, grandmother. Renee recently started a women’s Bible study on the Book of Genesis, and there was so much
difference of opinion and argument she nearly quit! She stuck with it, made some modifications, and the group not only survived, but it is growing!
- Carolyn: mother of five, homeschooler, pharmacist, military spouse
- Judith Lawrenson: Pink Panel Moderator, freelance writer, volunteer, and educator
- Riley: rising high school freshman, active in sports, studious. science fair winner
- Elizabeth: publisher of Pink Magazine, business owner, mom, writer, observer of life and human behavior
Would you like advice from The Pink Panel? Email Judith your question at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..