The Pink Panel - August 2026

Moderated By Judith Lawrenson

Dear Pink Panel,

I am with a very kind man who is good-hearted in every way. Lucky me, right? Well, I guess every silver lining has a cloud because he has a big flaw that is really starting to bother me. He is a LUMP! He almost never wants to go anywhere. He will not even think about going out to dinner, on a hike, to a movie and has no interest in travel, which I love. I am not a nag, but I feel like I’m becoming one. I ask for outings regularly and always get turned down. This is NOT working. Any advice or help is more than welcome, Pink Ladies!

Signed,
Nora


Answers from the Pink Panel

Judith Lawrenson, Moderator: As I asked around among my coffee group, I was quite surprised to find out this is a very common problem with varying degrees. Boy, did this question open up the flood gates: I heard escalating responses like, “I got nailed to the TV sports nut”; “The only place my guy wants to go is to his parents’ house.” Then I heard about the “leave-me-alone-recliner-sitter” and the “he-won’t-budge-from-his-routine-guy” and many things in between. We also came up with a wide range of solutions, but I heard an overwhelming amount of frustration from the gals who seemed stuck with it. Let’s see what the panel has to say:

Riley: I have had experience with friends or partners for group projects at school who did not want to contribute to any kind of work, or maybe they just didn’t care. Personally, I am the type of person to just do all the work, but I know it’s important to make sure the entire group is collaborating. So, I always think the easiest thing to do is have that person do something minor or easy. To apply to this case specifically, maybe start with something small that doesn’t require much effort like going on a walk around the neighborhood or getting takeout from a restaurant or even just grabbing a coffee somewhere. Then, gradually build up comfort to hopefully do more.

Judith Lawrenson, Moderator: This is a great idea. Maybe start with a walk or a short ride to somewhere like a park, bring in some yummy food rather than go out so that “eat out” isn’t a food threat, and try to gently add on and up. Worth a try, right?

Renee: I have a couple of answers for this question: If this wonderful man is just a boyfriend or companion, and his energy, interests, and activity levels don’t match yours, say goodbye and look for someone who meets your needs and interests. Life is too short to be held back from doing fun things or to feel you have to nag simply to leave the house. MOVE ON! 

If this wonderful man is already your husband, listen to the voice of experience, ladies. My husband never eats out and considers dinner at his mom’s house to fulfill that need for both of us. Now that he is retired, he has become a TV watcher big time and that is all there is to that. He seldom leaves the house. After 41 years, I am not about to trade him in. But since I am now retired too, I have found my own way, and it works for both of us. I have a coffee group every Monday, I belong to a quilt group that meets regularly and travels together. I do a part-time job for a computer company for my spending money and brain gain. I’m blessed I help lead a wonderful youth group at church, and we go on camping trips, visit other churches and do mission work. This is my joy! This arrangement has come to work for both of us with no hard feelings, and we have some “home” time together, too, which we both enjoy. 

One more thing! If you are young and single, talk about stuff like this so you don’t spend your life nagging, begging and being board. Go solo or find a person who will enjoy going with you.

Caroline: Being in the military, my husband travels often for his work, so he is not much on trips/road jaunts. Also, being a family of seven, eating out is too costly for us to do. The kids and I get in our big van and go places pretty regularly, though, by this I mean sports! My boys play baseball and so do the little girls. The boys also are involved in football, wrestling, and archery. The girls do gymnastics, and they all are in 4H Club. We live very busy lives, and I am content. We just returned from three weeks in my home state of North Dakota where our family lives on farms, and my kids just love that life. My husband is very committed to his military career, and we are all on board for this as a family. I will say in my husband’s defense, he’s committed as well! He attends all award ceremonies, performances, and games whenever he possibly can.

Judith Lawrenson, Moderator: Okay, so my husband is definitely not a sitter. We both love to travel, go out, and especially volunteer together. I am the one who gets nagged. Are you ready, let’s go, aren’t you there yet? I will try to do better-promise!

The Final Word, Elizabeth Millen: Nora, I would say your answer is in your question. You said, “This is NOT working!” And I agree. If you are becoming someone you are not, then your relationship is absolutely a bust. We can never be fulfilled when we live out of alignment with who we really are. You, obviously, are someone who wants a man who will not only compromise and make the relationship more balanced on the activity meter, but also someone who will actually enjoy the “journey” with you and not be a drag. It’s perfectly normal to want this; I think we all do. That’s why it’s called companionship. So, the onus is on you to decide if his inactivity is a deal breaker for you. Does his good-heartedness outweigh his lack of interest in joining you in doing life? Can you be happy sitting at home with him sometimes and having fun only with girlfriends or travel groups? Or do you require him to step up and be your person in all you do? It’s all up to you, and once you decide, it is then your turn not to just sit with it. You must take action.

 

If you have a question for The Pink Panel, email Judith Lawrenson at at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. The Pink Panel will do their best to give thought-provoking guidance. Remember, panel members’ ages range from 15 to 80, so you are bound to get a wide variety of advice.

Meet This Month's  Panel-----------------------------------

- Renee: accounts manager, youth group leader, grandmother. Renee recently started a women’s Bible study on the Book of Genesis, and there was so much
difference of opinion and argument she nearly quit! She stuck with it, made some modifications, and the group not only survived, but it is growing!

- Carolyn: mother of five, homeschooler, pharmacist, military spouse

- Judith Lawrenson: Pink Panel Moderator, freelance writer, volunteer, and educator

- Riley: rising high school freshman, active in sports, studious.  science fair winner

- Elizabeth: publisher of Pink Magazine, business owner, mom, writer, observer of life and human behavior