My 3rd Act - October 2026

October 2026 Issue
By Melinda Rooney

I’m so lucky to still have my mom with us. I have so many friends who have lost their parents, and I feel incredibly fortunate not only to still have my mom in my life, but to also have her close to us here in the Lowcountry. Mom was a working mom widowed early in life. There is simply no substitute for the wisdom, life experience and strength I get from her—or that we all get from our parents. (Here’s hoping we’re giving some of that same wisdom to our kids now.)

One thing my mom and I still talk about—and typically joke about—is how and when we learned to say “no.”

Honestly, I still struggle with it. Today, we call it FOMO—Fear of Missing Out. But back in our Second Act, it looked a little different: Brownies, Girl Scouts, soccer, PTA book fair chair, snack day organizer, classroom volunteer, you name it.

I remember so many conversations with other working moms who would shake their heads and laugh about how overwhelmed we all were. We were exhausted, overcommitted and stretched in a hundred different directions, yet somehow, we continued to say “yes.” Year after year.

Was it guilt? Was it the feeling that we needed to make up for the time we weren’t physically there because we were working and bringing home the bacon? Maybe it was simply that urge so many mothers have to stay connected to our children and everything happening in their lives—even when we couldn’t possibly be everywhere we wanted to be.

Whatever the reason, saying “no” was hard.

Fast forward to our Third Act, and somehow those old lessons about saying “no” are starting to creep back into our lives here in paradise.

How did we become so busy again?

There are clubs, committees, tennis, golf, pickleball, meetings, boat outings, mahjong, gardening, lunches, dinners, social events, volunteer opportunities and activities filling our mornings, afternoons, evenings, and weekends. The shared calendar my husband and I maintain sometimes looks suspiciously like the one we had when we were working and raising our family.

Except this time, there’s a funny—and somewhat ironic—difference.

There is no guilt.

There is no job demanding our time. No kids who need to be somewhere at 5:30. No PTA meeting we have to attend because we volunteered three months ago. No brownies to bake. (Well, we still bake brownies—but now we eat them ourselves.) No soccer practice to rush to after work.

So why are we still saying yes to everything?

Maybe because in our Third Act, saying “yes” is no longer about obligation. It’s about searching. Searching for things that keep us moving, connected, challenged and engaged. Things that give our days some structure and, hopefully, some purpose. Retirement gives us something we haven’t had in decades: time. And somehow, we’ve managed to fill it.

I often think about something we’ve said more than once since moving here: If anyone is bored in the Lowcountry, it’s their own fault. And maybe that’s true. But perhaps one of the lessons of this Third Act is realizing that having the freedom to say “yes” doesn’t mean we should.

Maybe it’s time to remember what our younger selves eventually learned: Sometimes, saying “no” isn’t missing out.

Sometimes, it’s making room for what matters most.

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Melinda Rooney is a freelance writer whose roots stretch from the New York–Connecticut area to the Carolinas. A wife, mother, and grandmother, she raised her family in Charlotte, N.C., before settling into Lowcountry life with her husband Bob in 2023. An avid tennis player, she now enjoys writing about the people, places, and stories that inspire her.