Hissy Fit

Mom always said to have clean drawers!

I absolutely covet the closet in the picture on this page. It actually looks like what I would imagine the owner of Pink  Magazine's (which I am) closet to look like. It is sprinkled with an impressive amount of pink, everything has a place and it is sooo neat, tidy and. perfect. There's only one problem. As great as it is, it is completely unrealistic - at least for me.

First of all, who can have a drawer and only put one thing in it? Just look at that third drawer down - with that pretty hot pink thing shining through. There's only one thing in that drawer. Wouldn't it be awesome to be able to put only one thing in a drawer? That's exactly the kind of drawer I wouldn't mind cleaning out on a Saturday morning, "Let's see, I think I'll clean my drawer out this morning. Take the piece out, refold it, and put it back in.done. All in a day's work." That would be flippin' awesome!

Aren't you just jealous of those people that seem to have it all together? I know you have at least one friend like that. She's always the first one to r.s.v.p., her kids have their homework done by 7:00 p.m. and she had dinner planned since last week and easily threw it together with the pre-browned ground beef she made a batch of and froze on Sunday afternoon when she had nothing else to do. Well la-dee-da, you go girl.

Now back to the closet. Please tell me where this woman's "tennashoes" are. Am I to believe that someone could actually wear those cute little clothes without working out? Is there another closet for the "knock around the house" clothes? Where are the blue jeans? Are they not pretty enough for the closet? Let me get this straight: If the color of the clothing doesn't match the overall color scheme of the closet, then it is banned from the closet. This part actually works for me. Now there is a legitimate reason that the chair in the corner of the bedroom is piled high with clothes. The "In" clothes just wouldn't accept them into the closet. Bless their non-color coordinated hearts, I just have to throw them on the chair (preferably inside out) and leave them there for a very long time.

Here's where I'm really coming unraveled though. There is not a pair of black pants or shoes in this entire stunningly gorgeous faux-closet. In fact, the only black in this closet are the coat hangers. I can't wear coat hangers and expect them to slim me down. Although, I could probably get one of those designers on Project Runway to make a sheath for me out of black coat hangers and someone would actually say they like it. Of course, I would have to ask if it made me look fat.

Oh to dream that my closet was really this organized. It would certainly help me get ready a lot quicker; that is if all the clothes actually fit. Although, I think I would never want to leave the closet. Who, in their right mind, would want to leave such a beautiful, organized, all-put-together space to go out into the messy world where nothing is predictable? I could stay in this closet where I know the third drawer always has my pink thing in it and I have two colored skirts to choose from and it doesn't matter which one I choose because I'm a winner no matter my decision. See, organization can make you fanatical, which is definitely an argument in favor of that pile of clothes in the corner. If you saw my closet or my office or my - oh whatever. you'd know just how fanatical I'm not.