Publisher - October 2026
You don’t have to attend
every argument you’re invited to.
— Anonymous —
I recently encountered the rudest, most hateful woman I’ve ever had to spend time with. While there is some connection through our children knowing each other, I had never met her—and now I wish I never had. I bring this up because it just happened, and I’m still baffled. But more importantly, October is the month we fully embrace the mantra: #FightLikeAGirl.
Just so you get an idea of what I encountered, this woman was curt in the five words she said to me over the four hours we were together. She glared. She crossed her arms. She huffed. She walked ahead. She ignored. And when she spoke to my boyfriend, who was right beside me, she intentionally did not look at me or include me in the conversation. She would actually say his name, just to make sure I knew I wasn’t included.
At this stage of my life, I couldn’t believe I was experiencing this mean-girl BS.
I still have no idea what she has against me, but it’s something. And whatever her reason, she chose to be extremely nasty. Beyond repair.
Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” Well, this woman convinced me. And she will never have the opportunity to convince me twice.
At the Pink Partini on October 8, we will celebrate all those ladies who have #FoughtLikeAGirl for a real reason and won! However, in my case this past weekend, I didn’t have the opportunity to #FightLikeAGirl. We were always around other people, and her actions were subtle to the group but loud and clear to me.
All of this got me thinking about tension with people—or even full-blown disagreements. While women are superb at fighting the good fight to overcome obstacles, failures, challenges, heartaches and even cancer, we are not always as good when it comes to putting on the boxing gloves for disagreements, arguments and general aggravations.
Here are a few things we are known for when it comes to fighting. And I’m as guilty as all of you: We need to do better—for our own sake, if nothing else.
What causes disagreements?
I believe a woman’s No. 1 reason for being insta-pissed is feeling disregarded. Differing opinions, timing and patience with a situation or set of circumstances can spark some heat, too. Regardless, the problem usually isn’t the problem. The way the two people handle the problem is the problem.
And women can be the worst when it comes to resolving a disagreement because some of our favorite tactics actually prolong the problem.
Classic Woman Move #1: “Nothing!”
The gold-standard answer when asked what’s wrong: “Nothing!”
Why do we say “nothing” when it is clearly something? This tactic has never once helped solve a problem. All it does is escalate and prolong the inevitable—a fight is on its way.
I am guilty of the “nothing” tactic, and after thinking it through, I know why we women do it. We feel frustrated, unheard and out of patience. It’s basically: “If you don’t know, then I’m not telling you!”
However, this “nothing” leads to prolonged misery. If we would just state the “something,” explain how we feel about it, and ask the person we almost “nothing-ed” to consider our feelings, the problem would more than likely be solved, and everyone could happily move on.
Bottom line: Put on your big-girl panties and state your “nothing” in detail.
If you decide to keep on nothing-ing, it will lead to...
Classic Woman Move #2: The Silent Treatment
Once “nothing” has come out of your mouth, it is usually followed by silence, which can vary in length depending on the depth of anger created during the “If you don’t know, then I’m not telling you” phase.
Some people go years without speaking, although they probably don’t live together. Women are not particularly good at long-term silence, especially with people they live with. Eventually, someone has to point out that the dirty laundry has to be picked up off the floor or that same someone needs a jar opened.
Again, the silent treatment only prolongs the misery.
I understand that sometimes you can be so mad and hurt you feel like you have nothing to say—or if you speak, you may break down and sob or even scream. Speaking can make you feel vulnerable, but the quicker you solve the problem, the less hurt feelings you will have. Try not to put a damper on your precious hours or days by letting an argument escalate into long-term, deep-seated pain.
And then there’s...
Classic Woman Move #3: Sleeping Elsewhere
Whether he’s on the couch, you’ve gone to stay with a friend, or you’ve claimed the guest room, sleeping somewhere else is yet another outward attempt to solve an inner problem.
It’s just not going to work.
Distance may make the heart grow fonder, but not when the core of the relationship is seething with anger. Anger is a wicked emotion. It seeps into every crevice of your body, and while you’re busy being angry, anger is the only one winning.
It is in our best interest to heed the wise old advice to never go to bed mad. You will experience tremendous relief—and probably sleep better—if you don’t allow an argument to extend overnight.
Even in anger, give your loved one a hug for at least 30 seconds. By the end of the hug, you will probably feel better. Because underneath all the arguing, all any of us really want is to feel loved, heard, wanted and respected.
So, there it is: a roadmap of when #FightLikeAGirl is the most ineffective way to actually fight.
Women, for the most part, are naturals when it comes to taking care of others, making sure people are happy, and being loving and attentive. It’s the way we are made. Fighting is not a natural trait for most women, and maybe that’s why we aren’t always very good at it.
You don’t have to fight fire with fire. That only makes the fire bigger. We need to pull out our true #FightLikeAGirl skills and douse the fire while it’s still a little flame.
That is a woman’s superpower.
The next time you find yourself in a disagreement, put on your cape. Kick anger to the curb. Solve the problem. And then smile.
Because that’s not fighting like a girl.
That’s winning like a woman.
Think Pink,
Elizabeth Millen
Click here to read the Pink story about the Estill Book Club