Publisher - July 2025

Photography by
Cassidy Dunn Photography

“You’ve been criticizing yourself
for years and it hasn’t worked.
Try approving of yourself
and see what happens.”
— Louise Hay —

As I washed my hands in the ladies’ room at church one Sunday, I noticed the woman beside me glaring into the mirror. Her eyes were intent, seeing something far beyond my view, her brow was furrowed, and the general grimace across her face revealed far more than the mirror ever could. After a moment, I startled her as I spoke:

“What are you thinking?” I asked, knowing the answer was not going to be good.

“My hair looks terrible. I hate what I have on, and I don’t want to be here. I would much rather be in bed and in my sweats,” she responded to me, a perfect stranger.

“That’s what I thought,” I said. “But you are here, and you look fine, so I hope you will consider enjoying the moment. Try not to be so hard on yourself,” I said gently as I walked out.
I have no idea the impression I left on her. However, the impression she left on me was profound. It was a visual played out before my eyes of exactly what I do—and probably you as well—all the time: Negative self-talk.

When the chatter within our minds and the deep, silent dialogue we have between our eyes, brain and mirror is constantly negative, we carry ourselves as such. Imagine if you had another human being following you around, and more often than not, they insulted you: You are not pretty; You need to lose weight; You look so tired; You don’t fit in here; Everyone here is richer and better than you; You aren’t smart enough to pass this test; You’ll never make it; Your husband left you because you weren’t good enough; You are old; You’ll never succeed, and the list can go on and on. These are some of the lies we tell ourselves, the demons in our heads, which makes for a lot of sadness and insecurity.

I have learned that self-talk is programmed, and the good news is we can reprogram and transform it from negative to positive. However, it takes conscious work. Remember Aibileen from the movie The Help, who told little Mae Mobley, “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” Aibileen knew Mae Mobley’s tender mind was being poisonously programmed by her mother, and this was her way—the perfect way—of combatting it through reprogramming.

Reframing our thoughts is imperative to culling negativity. Here are a few examples:
Negative                               Reframed
I can’t do this anymore.        This no longer fits in my life.
I am so fat.                            Fat does not define me. I can conquer it.
I look so old.                          I am wise. I love who I am.
I’m so dumb.                          I can learn anything.
No one likes me.                   I’m fun to be around, and I'm a valuable friend.

The bottom line is our outlook starts and finishes between our temples. Basically, we are what we “say” we are. If you stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself, “I look great!” You do. If you tell yourself, “I look ugly.” You do. It is up to us to feed ourselves with healthy, positive self-talk. It’s what fuels our confidence and determines how we move through life, interact with people, and it regulates our happiness. In other words, it’s powerful stuff, but it can be powerfully positive or powerfully negative. It can propel you to greatness or throw you into the depths of darkness. It is either our cape or our Kryptonite. The good news is it’s completely up to us, because we are the only wizards pulling the strings behind the curtain of our fast-paced, busy brains. We are our own Oz.

As you all know, I’ve been at weights I didn’t want to be. I’ve had advertisers leave the magazine and go advertise with the competition. I’m lily white all year round. I have bad hair days—a lot! My garage is messy again. I just remember that Meg Ryan once said about herself, “I am so inadequate, and I love myself!” I think most of us have the first part of that down, it’s the second part—“and I love myself” that we need to work on. Here’s how I mentally handle it: What’s done is done. I can’t do anything to change what I did to get me here. However, I can start right now and move forward in a way that gets me where I want to be. There is no point in beating yourself up for what is done. It’s like trying to un-wreck your car if you’re in an accident—impossible.

So, let’s start by identifying the nasty stuff you tell yourself. Is it possible to look in the mirror and say something different, kinder, gentler, loving and more positive? Treat yourself as kindly as you treat others, and you will be amazed at the transformation. Once you get brave, ask your loved ones for a compliment or two. It’s nice to be validated occasionally. We all need to think good thoughts, hear good thoughts, and give good thoughts, for they are the seeds for good living.

Think Pink,
Elizabeth Millen