Hissy Fit - May 2025 - Quit Complaining: You’re Losing Credibility

May 2025 Issue
by Elizabeth Skenes Millen

This month’s Hissy Fit is a giant complaint about complainers. I could make it short and just say, “get grateful and shut up,” but that’s not whiny enough to appeal to true complainers. Is that too harsh? Maybe, but isn’t it what we all want to say to those people—and we all know at least one—who complain about everything?

Complaining is a bad habit. All of us complain from time to time because life throws curve balls, and we don’t like it. However, some people complain constantly, and those are the ones we're tired of; they are very hard to tolerate. Speaking of intolerable—have you noticed most complainers usually have cringeworthy voices and a special talent for dragging out words and ends of sentences ad nauseam? Think fingernails on a chalkboard. Even if they were handing out compliments, it would still sound annoying.

After reading up on complaining, the psychology behind it claims chronic complaining can actually rewire your brain. Personally, I believe their brain is already rewired, programmed to find the worst in everything and everyone. Chronic complaining spills over to chronic gossiping, chronic negativity, chronic criticism, and chronic dropping friends like flies. The average person doesn’t want to hang out with a complainer. These people can absolutely wear you out—casting doom, gloom, anger and helplessness onto every situation. And yes, complainers are helpless, otherwise they would quit complaining and do something about whatever it is they are griping about.

A problem is only a problem if there is absolutely no solution, and as we know, there’s usually a solution to every problem. So, technically, complaining is the act of being dissatisfied and letting everyone know so they can join in the dissatisfaction. Newsflash—most people don’t want to live in a constant state of dissatisfaction, and that is why complainers lose friends…and credibility. If you complain about everything, no one wants to hear it—everyone eventually wants a barking dog to hush. My father used to say there are some people even Jesus Christ can’t please. God help ‘em.

If you think about it, complaining is a display of self-centeredness, narrow-mindedness, and ungratefulness—three terrible character traits.

Self-centeredness: When one thinks only of her/himself with not a care or concern about what others may need, think, feel, or want. Guess what? Your way is not the only way. Some people are actually satisfied—or at least fine— with whatever you are disgruntled about. Or maybe they’re not, but they just don’t go around spreading misery.

Narrow-mindedness: You are doing your life—and those around you— a disservice by focusing on the bad in any and most situations. In fact, you are dumbing yourself down. Narrow-mindedness is when people hone in so tightly on themselves, their minds have a hard time letting in any light or varying thoughts. The ability to look on the bright side is slowly extinguished. In order to stop chronic complaining, because surely complainers eventually tire of their heaviness, one has to open one's mind. Don’t be afraid; think positive on purpose. It can be amazingly refreshing! You may even take a deep breath for the first time in a very long time. If you catch yourself complaining, verbally tell yourself to stop. Actively look at how a situation isn’t as bad as you’re making it out to be. Wayne Dyer said, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” That’s hope if I’ve ever seen it!

Ungratefulness: Complaining is deep-seated in ungratefulness. In fact, taking things for granted may be the root of all complaining. It is most difficult to complain and be grateful at the same time. Try it. Imagine ungratefulness/complaining on one shoulder and gratefulness/satisfaction on the other—like the classic angel/devil scenario. One has to shut up when the other is speaking. It’s your choice as to which one you allow to dominate your mind. However, your life will be fuller and happier if you allow gratefulness to prevail. I’ve said it a million times—gratefulness is the Holy Grail of life!

So, if you have a habit of complaining, even if you’re not chronic, blink six times and repeat after me:

I, (state your name), promise to cull at least three complaints out of my speech every day. When I catch myself starting to complain, I will immediately tell myself “things aren’t so bad”, “it could be worse”, and “quit being a brat”. I will actively look for the bright side, find something positive, and physically make my face smile. I will do this because I deserve a positive life, and I am tired of being a downer and my own worst enemy. This promise is an act of self-care and self-love, and I am worth caring about!

Okay. Ready? Here we go!
Can you feel that wonderful brightness beaming on your face?
Yes! I know it’s hot. (Quick! Repeat the promise).
Good catch! Now you’re looking on the bright side.