Hissy Fit - March 2025 - Just One Button and a Zipper: That All it Takes

March 2025 Issue
by Elizabeth Skenes Millen

When I was getting ready for my 2nd Thursday Book Club monthly meeting on February 13, I didn’t feel good. In fact, I thought about not going, but I enjoy my book club and try to never miss. So, I thought I would sort of cop out and just put on yoga pants. But then I thought better of it and came to the realization that putting on real pants takes no more effort than putting on yoga pants. You may not believe it or agree, but this is a true statement, except, perhaps, for the button and zipper. Nonetheless, I got fully dressed and went…on time, of course.

You have no idea how glad I was to not be dressed like a schlep donning yesterday’s yoga stretchies and a pullover quarter-zip. I knew better, anyway. It’s not like I haven’t been in this book club for a few years and understand the protocol completely. However, Yvette Acuff, our February member hostess, outdid herself. Actually, she was just herself, which is to say she almost always outdoes anyone when it comes to entertaining. But to set the scene, her gorgeously appointed home included formal dining with fresh daffodils, orchids, and floating camellias, a fully set table with fine china, lit taper candles, crystal flutes filled with French strawberry effervescent water and champagne, and deviled crab.

Needless to say, that one button and zipper which differentiated my real pants from yoga pants were not only necessary, but imperative for this occasion, and thank God I had the wherewithal to realize this and muster the energy. The lesson: There is a time and a place, and we all need to recognize this right now and make a pledge. Yoga pants were made for those trying to put their legs behind their heads, not for us who are pushing a grocery buggy to the potato chip aisle.

Though, I will not be attempting to put one of my legs behind my head anytime soon, I have to warn you, I may be spotted in my yoga stretchy pants on any given day. I think it’s going to take some kind of rehab or withdrawal to quit wearing them. What is it about them that just makes them feel easier or makes a cup of coffee taste cozier? It has to be a mental thing because we’ve already established that a zipper and button aren’t that taxing. Maybe it’s the fact that yoga pants expand with your body without cutting you in half. Yes, that is it—pure comfort! Nobody wants to feel all bound up and cut in half. So, are they really that bad? I mean, certain brands of yoga pants cost as much as some designer brand trousers. But it’s just so much more sophisticated to wear trousers, isn’t it?

You know what’s not sophisticated (and I’m taking fashion liberties here)—wearing pajamas in public! I can almost always accept yoga pants, unless they are cream color, or white, or light pink, or lavender, or tan. Come to think about it, yoga pants are only acceptable in black, dark gray or navy. That’s it, and it’s not up for further discussion. Back to pajamas. Do not wear pajama pants in public, and take off the damn Ugg bedroom slippers. Ugg stands for “so ugly it needs two g’s.” While I’m at it, please note that Crocs are only for walking the dog or going to the mailbox, preferably at night.

Anyway, have you been to an airport lately? Every person under 30 is in pajamas, and don’t get me started on boys who wear pajamas in public. How could a woman ever be attracted to a boy, guy, or man wearing pajama bottoms in public? Yuck! Even professional athletes need to check themselves.

Rule No. 1: People over age 4 should NOT wear pajamas in public, not EVEN to Wal-mart. I just made up this rule, but I can only fathom at least 250-million people agreeing with me.

Rule No. 2: If you think you look good walking around in pajamas, you are wrong. You look like you need a pacifier or a mirror. No one will ever look at someone wearing pajamas in public and think, “Now there’s an impressive person”; “What a hottie!” Or “She’s going places!” The only place she’s going is back to bed because she looks like life is too exhausting to even get out of bed.” No one will take your disheveled self serious if you’re wearing pajamas, unless, well, you know, they are coming off shortly anyway, which hopefully also means you are not in public.

What bothers me the most about the explosion of yoga pants, pajamas, slippers, and dressing down in general, is it illustrates the reality that putting effort into yourself is a dying art. It may seem innocuous to just throw something on and go, but it is a symptom of society losing its drive for excellence.

I feel different and more confident when I fully dress, like a better version of myself. I believe we all do. How we carry ourselves on the outside is congruent with who we are on the inside. It’s why we dress up for job interviews, funerals, galas, and church—to show respect. And the bottom line is, when you show respect, you get respect in return. And that feels way better than stretch pants.