When it's over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms. When it is over, I don't want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular, and real. I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened, or full of argument. I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.

—Mary Oliver

Inner turmoil and change have been the underlying theme of my life for about 12 months now. I have had many life changes, some I'm willing to share—such as my oldest child leaving for college, which affected me way more than I ever thought it would—and others I'd rather keep to myself.

We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success.

—Henry David Thoreau

A lot has changed for me over the past 10 months. Probably the biggest change, however, is my weight. As many of you know, I have lost around 50 pounds. I feel like I've written about it a lot, but I find it's a topic that many want to hear about. So as I approach the final leg of my weight loss journey—the last 20 pounds—I find myself having to dig deep and grasp the last reserves of motivation in me.