Transforming Your Marriage
Carolyn Evans is a beautiful woman. Even such, as her husband's 40th birthday approached, she found herself in a 13-year marriage that felt more like stale, irritable roommates. Life had set in like a heavy, thick fog and, like many of us, the taxing duties of the day-to-day had captured her energy, attention, and her libido. In addition, sex was scratched off the list of "get to-dos" and had become just one more duty that she rarely looked forward to.
With her husband's sex drive still in fifth gear and revving, she found that there was a constant struggle of him wanting it and her resisting it. Needless to say, this was becoming a real issue in their relationship. "It's so easy to let sex fall off, explained Carolyn. We were like ships passing in the night, but I knew he needed more of 'it' and that the issue was not going to go away."
In a half-hearted attempt to appease her husband, a few nights before his big 4-0, she informed him he was getting "40 straight days of sex." Once the promise was made, with a sinking feeling of regret mixed with fear and dread, she devised a plan to "package" this gift, and quite by accident, The Forty Beads Method was born. What she didn't realize at the time was that this gift, and her creative way of presenting it, would not only change her life, but more importantly, change her marriage in such an incredibly positive way she had to share it with everyone.
Carolyn Evans book, Forty Beads (Running Press), tells the full story of how she accidentally discovered "beading" and how that discovery is changing couples' relationships for the better, starting in the bedroom and settling in their hearts. "It's about choosing what you want. I love my husband, our children, and I wanted to stay married. It's about choosing love again and again. That's what being in a relationship is all about. Sex is part of a healthy marriage, and beading takes the awkwardness out of sex from the very first bead."
How Does Beading Work?
When Carolyn committed those 40 straight days of sex to her husband, there were many questions from both his side and hers. He wondered if he would have to forfeit a day of sex if he was sick or had to be out of town. She wondered what she had gotten herself into and if she could actually have sex for 40 days in a row without being hospitalized or dead. She ended up giving him 40 beads as a "currency" that he could exchange for sex. When he dropped a bead into a little bowl, now known as a "beadcatcher", she would have 24-hours to redeem the bead.
They found that these beads, and what they represented, began to inject energy into their marriage. Sex began to be playful and fun again. Their marriage was getting shaken-up in a real positive way.
Who Should Bead?
Here are a few questions to help you decided if The Forty Beads Method is right for you. If you answer yes to most of the following questions, then you're ready to begin Beading.
1. Do you love your husband?
2. Do you want to stay married to him?
3. Do you have this sneaking suspicion that your
relationship has the potential to be better than it is?
4. Do you ever experience any confusion, anger,
guilt, or stress associated with sex in your marriage?
5. Are you interested in making your relationship
the best (happiest, most easeful, most fun) it can be?
6. Are you willing to incorporate changes
in order to develop a better relationship?
7. Are you interested in making sex in your marriage something that you want to do instead of something you feel like you should do?
8. Do you find value in feeling emotionally
connected to your husband?
What You Can Expect from Forty Beads?
The book is about getting you to the sheets, not what you do once you get there. However, getting you to the sheets through The Forty Bead Method has proven to have many benefits. Here are a few:
Beading shifts the energy. The visibility of seeing a bead in the beadcatcher brings everything out into the open, and with that, is seems that the negative energy that used to surround the "duty" of sex is gone.
You start feeling desired. Just seeing the bead validates that your husband actually wants you, which automatically begins to nudge your libido awake.
You have time to prepare. Beading takes the "drop trou" fear out of the equation. Women need time to mentally gear up for intimacy, and beading puts you in control of redeeming the bead, thus giving yourself time to mentally prepare and shift gears into being with your husband.
Beading shifts how you begin to think about sex. Women who bead begin to see that their partner actually wants to connect with them. The realization that sex is more than just a "roll in the sack" for their husband is enlightening and empowering.
Beading takes the negative sexual withholding/sexual head games out of play. By incorporating The Beading Method, all those negative sexual power plays disappear. Arguments about sex fade away, leaving you and your partner with a healthy, intimate connection that permeates your entire relationship.
Carolyn Evans is a former therapist and a singer/songwriter. She is touring the country spending time meeting with fellow "Beaders" to support the growing Forty Beads nation. One of her stops along the way included an invited appearance on the "Today Show." I was able to catch up with Carolyn at Picture This Gallery on Hilton Head Island where she shared her Forty Beads wisdom with a room full of women. Carolyn is down-to-earth, funny, and heart-felt. She is now happily married, with children, living in Charleston, SC, where she juggles it all just like the rest of us. To find out more about Forty Beads, buy the book-ISBN978-0-7624-3928-7. To connect with Carolyn, follow her blog at fortybeads.com.