The Pink Panel - May 2026
Moderated By Judith Lawrenson
Dear Pink Panel,
I have been told a secret in absolute trust, but telling what I was told could really help a hurtful situation. I know this is hard for the panel to answer with so few details. But just in general, what do you think about this sort of situation?
Signed,
Judy
Answers from the Pink Panel
Judith Lawrenson, Moderator: In my former profession, I was told many things in confidence, and I honestly never broke a trust. There were times, though, I felt very strongly that to withhold information would do a great deal of harm. In those cases, I went to the person who had shared with me and asked them to either go with me into the relevant situation or release me from the promise of secrecy. Only once was this request denied, and I went through a very bad time of dilemma. I prayed for a happy conclusion of any kind. Fortunately, things worked out without my having to act. Prayers were answered. This question is indeed difficult.
Riley: I have always thought that remaining loyal to a friend and not betraying their trust is a crucial part of any relationship. As Jesus warns us not to gossip, I also think it’s important not to involve yourself in situations that aren’t your business. Whatever secret was told, was shared in confidence, and it’s not fair to go behind a friend’s back.
Renee: Our family is a great one for secrets that always seem to come out at Thanksgiving Dinner! I have to say, though, I have never betrayed a secret told to me in what was really meant to be confidential. I have two nephews who I dearly love, and even though I have wondered about the ethics of it all, I have kept secrets they have told me from their parents. Often these secrets have come out later, but never from me. The only time I have really been tempted to share knowledge I had been asked not to reveal, regarded a health condition of a dear relative. I kept that confidence until she became very ill and everyone became aware of how grave it was. But in the between time, she and I were the only ones who knew how serious things were. I’ll never regret holding that secret!
Caroline: My two little twins, age 7, are full of girly secrets, and we have lots of giggles when the boys want to know what we are talking about, even though it is usually dealing with whether or not unicorns wear green for dinner! Seriously, though, my husband and I seldom keep things from the kids unless it is an ongoing situation we hope will turn out well. Why worry them unnecessarily? In that same way, we sometimes keep things from my mom who lives far away so she won’t worry about something that may or may not be bad news. I think this is important, and the questioner did not mention this. Some secrets are deep and not meant to be shared or told, and some are shared in a timely manner, rather than right away. Let’s keep this difference in mind when we think about revealing a trusted secret!
The Final Word, Elizabeth Millen: More often than not, when someone comes to us in confidence with a problem, they aren’t looking for a quick fix or opinionated solution. Sometimes, it simply helps to say things out loud in order to actually hear the problem outside of your mind and start to gain clarity. As women, we tend to share deep thoughts about anything and everything, especially when in an emotional state. Somehow sharing our maladies jumpstarts the healing process.
Judy, I say this to emphasize that this isn’t your problem to solve. And since it’s not your problem to solve, you are not responsible for exposing secrets, even if it would help reach resolution.
Resolutions are reached between the parties involved, and often letting a third, fourth or more people an opportunity to get in on the tea, usually turns the disagreement into a battle with people making uniformed judgements and taking sides. There’s no point in starting a “he said/she said”—the more low-key things are kept, the more low-key the problem stays. Sharing secrets escalates the issue and can come across more like gossip.
My final answer is this: Unless someone’s life is in danger, keep the secret. Simply be a sounding board to help your friend resolve her issue by truly thinking through it and not jumping on what everyone else has to say about it. If you are seriously concerned or feel the secret needs to be revealed to others, have a heart-to-heart with your friend to let her know how important it is to reveal the news. Then let her be the one to do so.
Judith Lawrenson, Moderator: This question has taught me two lessons: 1. Our panel is quite diverse not only in age, but also in life experiences. Our young member is so very wise, our middle lady with the large extended family has a totally different set of norms, and Caroline with the big family all at home and deep faith has yet another take. As the little old lady of the group, I am also often on a different planet—I love that about us; and 2. We are not afraid to take on hard questions, so “bring it on” and see what the panel has to say.
Meet This Month's Panel-----------------------------------
- Renee: accounts manager, youth group leader, grandmother. Renee recently started a women’s Bible study on the Book of Genesis, and there was so much
difference of opinion and argument she nearly quit! She stuck with it, made some modifications, and the group not only survived, but it is growing!
- Carolyn: mother of five, homeschooler, pharmacist, military spouse
- Judith Lawrenson: Pink Panel Moderator, freelance writer, volunteer, and educator
- Riley: rising high school freshman, active in sports, studious. science fair winner
- Elizabeth: publisher of Pink Magazine, business owner, mom, writer, observer of life and human behavior
If you have a question for The Pink Panel, email Judith Lawrenson at at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. The Pink Panel will do their best to give thought-provoking guidance. Remember, panel members’ ages range from 13 to 80, so you are bound to get a wide variety of advice.