The Pink Panel - January 2026
Moderated By Judith Lawrenson
Dear Pink Panel,
I regularly meet a lot of new people both socially and in my job,
but I can’t seem to convert any of them into friends.
What am I doing wrong??
Signed, Alicia
Answers from the Pink Panel
Judith Lawrenson, Moderator: Generally, I meet new people doing things I like to do. When that is the case, it is not difficult to see who might be your new friend because you automatically have something in common. Meeting people in social or work settings can be a bit more difficult since what you have in common may be simply that you all have to be there. Remember, a friend is someone you like and enjoy for a variety of reasons. Check people out as well as you can in your settings and just listen and try to join in conversation. Friends may be looking for you, too!
Riley:
Being friendly and sociable is a great way to start a new friendship, but sometimes you may have to be the one who initiates the conversation. Briefly saying HI to each other in passing isn’t necessarily going to support your relationship. Unless they reach out first, you could be the one to make plans or start a conversation with them. I believe the best way to start a friendship, or make it better, is simply by spending time together. Also, sometimes people may be good coworkers and not turn out to be good friends.
Renee:
I have given this question a lot of thought, but I fear my response may sound a bit cynical. I have learned the best things cannot be rushed or pushed. I don’t think you are doing anything wrong, necessarily, you just haven’t met the right people for YOU. In my experience, something just clicks when I meet a person who becomes a friend. If someone interests you, ask them to meet for coffee, and see if you really have a common ground on which to build a friendship. If the spark isn’t there, mark that one down as an experience and continue to build your social circle. Pushing the issue will sometimes make a friend who is not positive for you in the end. (Moderator: I think we have all been here at some time or another. Friendship is a two-way street. If you are being used instead of befriended, watch out!)
Meeting new people is great and increases your circle of opportunity to make even more friends who will enrich your life. Fake friends are a dime a dozen so don’t push it. You will find the friends you seek, just be patient.
Caroline:
Moving with the military and often living on base may seem like it’s easy to find new friends since there is obviously something already in common, but this is not necessarily the case. In fact, military families can be quite different. I am always hopeful of finding families with similar aged children. This is a really good way to create an easy bond. Sharing rides to games and practices, meeting at ballet lessons and so on can be easy ways to make an acquaintance into something more. If the kids get along, you are almost all the way there. I also look hopefully to my neighbors. With five children, we are round and about and pretty noisy. (Moderator: In fact, Caroline has the best kids. They are well behaved and dear, but she is right, they are very “busy.”) Good neighbors always make the best friends, especially if they are casual about life stuff like a clean house and a mowed lawn. To be in and out of a friend’s house for coffee without noticing her dust and knowing she will not notice your un-mopped kitchen floor is very key to me in my friendships!
Judith Lawrenson, Moderator:
In short, the panel has made many good points and again, my advice to you is to take it easy. Friendship takes time and patience but, in the end, it is so very worth it. Also, stay alert for signs that someone else may be looking for a friend just like you!
The Final Word, Elizabeth Millen:
I talk to a lot of people, particularly women, and I usually know right off the bat if I click with someone or want to spend social time with them. There is a vibe, so pay attention. Even so, there are many false starts in the world of building friendships and plenty of indicators of who would be a good friend fit for you. First off, do they include you? You may include them in your circle but find it’s not reciprocated. This is a sign of weak connection—it’s not a fit. Another weak bond is one built on negativity, such as becoming “friends” with a coworker because you both hate the boss. What usually happens is when one of you moves to another job, gets promoted or the boss leaves, the alliance is over. Alliances are different than friendships. An alliance has an outside mission to accomplish; a friendship is an inside connection based on how you feel when together. Friendship is a relationship and requires the good stuff to thrive—honesty, reliability, accountability, kindness, like-mindedness. Though the best friendships grow organically, both sides must put in effort to help them grow. In other words, friendships are richer when fertilized—calling, initiating things to do, listening, caring, helping, etc. If the connection starts to wear you out by becoming needy or one-sided, or you just don’t feel good being around them, that’s not your person for friendship. Move on.
Since I’ve gotten older, my circle of friends has gotten smaller and more sacred because I’ve gotten picky about how I want to spend my time and with whom. I’m in quality over quantity mode. If you have a few great friends, you are fortunate. Just be sure to be a good friend back to them. But to answer your question, just keep trying, but not too hard. Usually, the best relationships (friendships or romantic) just kind of come from out of the blue. Just have fun doing what you love, and you will find someone having fun doing the same thing. That’s when it clicks!
If you have a question for The Pink Panel, email Judith Lawrenson at at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. The Pink Panel will do their best to give thought-provoking guidance. Remember, panel members’ ages range from 13 to 80, so you are bound to get a wide variety of advice.
Meet the Panel--------------------------------------------------
- Renee: accounts manager, youth group leader, grandmother. Renee recently started a women’s Bible study on the Book of Genesis, and there was so much
difference of opinion and argument she nearly quit! She stuck with it, made some modifications, and the group not only survived, but it is growing!
- Caroline: mother of five, homeschooler, pharmacist, military spouse
- Judith Lawrenson: Pink Panel Moderator, freelance writer, volunteer, and educator
- Riley: rising high school freshman, active in sports, studious. science fair winner
- Elizabeth: publisher of Pink Magazine, business owner, mom, writer, observer of life and human behavior
Would you like advice from The Pink Panel? Email Judith your question at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..