The Pink Panel - February 2026

Moderated By Judith Lawrenson

Dear Pink Panel,
My marriage is slowly crumbling. It went from just all right to utterly boring,
verbally abusive to finally a slap across the face and a painful shoulder shake.
I don’t know what’s next. Our only child is off to college in a few months.
How long should I hang on, or should I hang on at all?
Signed,
Brooke


Answers from the Pink Panel

Just the Two of Us—The Pink Panel is a bit different this month since panelist Riley is in high school, and Caroline and Renee are in happy marriages. I am now, but there was a time when I would have been the one to have written this question. - Judith, Moderator

Judith Lawrenson, Moderator:
How long to hang on is not really the question in my mind, the question is “Why hang on?” I think anyone in this situation should ask themselves why they are staying, and in fact, why they have stayed as long as they have. Sometimes, love hasn’t changed even though the circumstances have changed dramatically. 

Not relating to each other in a marriage is not uncommon, help is out there. Being bored in your marriage is more serious for some than others. Often it leads to a drift that may or may not be all right with both parties. This may happen with retired couples for example. In the case of Brooke’s question, it seems this is not what is happening. Verbal abuse is not good, as it is demeaning and hurtful and can lead to isolation and a complete breakdown in communication. Sadly, if verbal abuse is tolerated it grows. Worse yet, verbal abuse often leads to fights that escalate to physical harm. This is NEVER to be tolerated! 

Most people who know me will know I have been divorced and similar patterns to this letter were the reasons. My first marriage started right away with verbal battles. I had no idea this was what I would encounter as a new bride, but boy, there it was big time. We had fights full of insults almost from day one. I was never physically abused, but sometimes verbal abuse can hurt almost as much, and it certainly breaks down any closeness and trust. I did not understand how to value myself as a person even though I was a college graduate and had a very good job. I simply yelled back when I was yelled at. Talk about having no communication skills! 

As with Brooke, things went from bad to worse. He stopped coming home, and I started to hear rumors. Infidelity was not mentioned in our question, but I bet something was going on. I’m sorry, but if that sounds suspicious or cynical to you, I am just telling you what happens. The less either party values their spouse, the more hurtful things become, and the fewer solutions are available. My advice—if you are able financially or emotionally—is to cut your losses. Get out while you can still get a life. Do not let someone else define you, demean you, or hurt you. You are better than that, KNOW IT!

My story has a very happy ending. My second husband has been a lover, confidant, dear friend, and longtime companion. God has been good to me, and I am forever grateful. It was not easy at first but was it ever worth it. I get that this is a hard road, but the never-ending road of pain and humiliation is much harder. Be your best self. 

Elizabeth, your turn, my dear. I am so interested in how you will answer this question!

The Final Word, Elizabeth Millen:

 

 The Final Word, Elizabeth Millen: Judith, both you and Brooke have opened a can of worms with this question. Many know I was married for 25 years before it was all said and done, and I want to clarify there was no physical abuse. Many would wonder why I waited 25 years. There are many reasons: 1. My parents had a terrible 55-year marriage, so I thought you’re supposed to hang in there no matter what—’til death do you part. 2. I always questioned if my expectations were too much—was it my fault? 3. I was scared and think I may have justified that what I had was probably better than the unknown. There’s a lot more, but here’s where my bravery came in. I had seen a life coach who was a former psychologist with a Ph.D. Though it took me eight years after stopping my sessions, I finally initiated splitting. I could write an entire book about this, so I’m going to skip ahead and get to the gist of the matter.

In my coaching sessions, I always wanted to know why—about everything. My coach finally convinced me that “why” doesn’t matter. It’s what you plan on doing with a situation moving forward that matters most. Additionally, almost every week, she would ask me by name, “Elizabeth, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” What always got me with this question is the word “one.” We have ONE life! After being asked this more than 100 times, one day I decided I could not go to my grave with this being my great love affair. So, I got up the nerve to split. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I cried for more than 100 days in a row. Even when you are clear-minded and confident you’re doing the right thing, it is hellacious. Hollywood could have filmed our final court hearing as one of the most emotionally painful scenes ever to be filmed. I sobbed with my head down on the courtroom table for the entire duration of the hearing. Remember, I initiated this. The judge considered rescheduling. I don’t think he had ever seen anything like it.

But here’s the alternative—stay in a marriage with a person who you are supposed to feel the safest with, be the happiest with, be sacred with, who is absolutely not that person and never could or would be. In your case, Brooke, do you want your one wild and precious life to be literally at the violent hand of your husband? Is that even a husband? It’s definitely not love! When in doubt go back to how the Bible defines love so clearly. It tells us exactly what love is and what it isn’t. If you’re living in the “isn’t” column and feel you can’t get back to a relationship that exudes the “Love is” column —make a change. The sooner the better, if you know it won’t get better. Don’t give the best years of your life to someone who doesn’t treasure them and want the best for you. You will be better than fine in the long run. Just don’t get bogged down in the divorce process, remember you are being rescued from a life that no longer has your best interests at heart. The divorce process is the path to freedom—make it a positive one.

If you have a question for The Pink Panel, email Judith Lawrenson at at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. The Pink Panel will do their best to give thought-provoking guidance. Remember, panel members’ ages range from 13 to 80, so you are bound to get a wide variety of advice.

Meet This Month's  Panel-----------------------------------

- Judith Lawrenson: Pink Panel Moderator, freelance writer, volunteer, and educator

- Elizabeth: publisher of Pink Magazine, business owner, mom, writer, observer of life and human behavior

Would you like advice from The Pink Panel? Email Judith your question at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..