OMG Moments - May 2019


OMGMoments 0519

May 2019 Issue

“In my neighborhood all my friends’ mothers were like Betty Crocker. My mother, Bette, was 6-foot-tall and sometimes in jail for protesting nuclear power; we lived next to Three-Mile Island. Mom had been a Lt. Colonel in WWII, a nurse who saved lives. In retrospect, I’m damn glad she was my Mom—forget about the cookies!”

“My oldest son got pulled over for drag racing his Camaro. My smart-self decided to drive him to school to embarrass him. But I forgot I didn’t know how to drive the thing! I was so ashamed.”

“My MOMFAIL was in advising my girls not to date the bad boys. LOL! They never listened, as usual!”

“I was exhausted after working all day, grocery shopping, doing laundry, loading the dishwasher, bathing my two-year-old and getting her to bed. She looked up at me and said, ‘Mommy, I so hungry!’ I had forgotten to feed my child! Being a mother is tough!”

“My 3-year-old daughter managed to climb up on a cabinet and find a can of mace. She promptly sprayed it in her eyes from very close... yep, that ended with a lot of screaming and a call to poison control.”

“My mom was always very independent. She lived alone in her little house in upstate N.Y. My sisters and I really were worried when the river nearby overflowed its banks during a big storm. We kept calling her with no answer. Finally, my nephew figured out a route to get to her house, finding the house empty and her car gone. We started calling the rest of the family in the area and her many friends; no one had seen or heard from her. Just when we were ready to report her as a missing person, a light went off in my brain. I told my nephew to check one more place. Yep, there she was at her favorite gathering place—Nip’s Bar, which was up the road on much higher ground. She could not understand what we were all so excited about, as she sipped her beer!”

“I bought cocktail napkins that said, ‘I've decided to not have children. The children are taking it pretty hard’. They didn't find it near as funny as me.”

“While attending my son’s parent’s only night at college, the advisor approached me and said, ‘I’m so sorry, but we are going to have to ask you to leave because girlfriends are not allowed to watch tonight.’ I told him I’m his mother. He apologized and allowed me to stay. My son said to the coach, ‘She really is my girlfriend!’”

“I Took my 7-year-old son to a wedding. He danced all night with a 19-year-old young lady from Brazil. At the end of the night my son said, ‘Mom, did you see my lady dancing?’ I said, ‘Yes, Dear, I saw you.’ He said, ‘She let me hug her and kiss her on the lips.’ I told him he could not be kissing other people on the lips, ‘You don’t know where they’ve been.’ He looked at me and said, ‘I kiss you on the lips, where have your lips been?’”

“When I was 5 and my brother was 2, my mom dropped us off at Sunday school and left. She didn’t realize that the time had changed the night before, so some nice lady took us to church with her and waited for our mom to come pick us up.”

“Not going to lie, I would take my kids to the mall all the time when they were toddlers, and I might have “lost” them in the clothing rounders once or twice.”

“One Sunday night my son informed me his hair was too long to meet his private high school’s uniform/appearance code. It had to be done for Monday morning, so I decided our only option to meet code by morning was for me to cut his hair. He was nervous, as my only experience cutting hair was I once tried to trim our little schnoodle and ended up giving her a reverse mohawk. He said he would rather just get detention instead of me cut his hair. I said that was silly, and I’d try hard to do good. When I was done, he took a look in the mirror in horror and claimed every one would know his mom cut his hair. The first friend who saw him at school the next morning said, “What happened? Did your mom cut your hair?” He had numerous people ask all day long. I never cut his hair again, although sometimes the poor dogs still get “mom” haircuts."

“My mom got tired of putting my socks back on when I was a young, so she tied a string around my socks on my ankles. To this day I still have a permanent scar of the rope burn line on my ankle.”

“My mom was a tough cookie. I asked her if I could go somewhere with my friends, who were not good drivers. She said no, but of course I went anyway. She caught me getting out of the car at the end of our street. She hit me the whole way home, in front of all my friends. Needless to say, I was grounded for quite awhile.”

“When my son was 6 years old, he was waiting to get on the bus. Earlier that week I had repaired the holes in his jeans with denim heart patches on the knee. My husband said he would be made fun of; I thought it was cute. The bus pulled up, and all the kids just pointed. OMG!”

“When my son was 3 years old, he was playing in the kitchen, while I was preparing dinner. He put the rounded Jell-O mold over his head. He looked like a dog with one of the bite protector collars on. We couldn’t get it off and he cried and cried. 20 minutes later, with him all greased up with butter and oil around his neck, it came off. It was a very traumatic experience for us.”

What is your favorite Cinco de Mayo splurge?

51% Margaritas            8%  Tacos    
15% Guacamole            5% Enchiladas
11% Chips & Salsa        1% Burritos
8% Fajitas                     1% Queso

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