Tips for Being the Hostess With the Mostest
(And a not so bad guest, either)
November 2025 Issue
by Jacie Elizabeth Millen
With the holiday season cruising full speed ahead, our calendars are filling up with soirées, dinners, cocktail hours, and cozy get-togethers. But these aren’t just parties—they are moments that become forever memories with the people you love and cherish. Hosting well isn’t just about putting food on the table; it’s about creating an atmosphere where good times flow as freely as the wine, where everyone feels at home.
We’re here to give you some gentle guidance on how to be the hostess with the mostest, meaning you get to enjoy your party as much as your guests. And just as importantly, how to avoid the classic mistakes amateur hosts often make.
DO: Set the Tone, First and Foremost
Your invitation is your guests’ first impression, so make it speak clearly. Whether you’re planning a laid-back backyard barbecue or an elegant cocktail party, establish the theme, dress code, and overall vibe from the start through your invitation. When expectations are clear, guests arrive prepared, and that’s the first step to ensuring everyone has the best possible time. Extra credit: Send paper invitations via snail mail.
DON’T: Leave Your Guests Guessing
Ambiguity is for dating apps, not hosting. Don’t keep your guests in the dark—let them know if they should bring a bottle of wine, expect hors d’oeuvres or. meal, or need to call a babysitter. Spell it out clearly because clarity equals comfort for everyone, and quiets the hundreds of phone calls. And remember, you know your people better than anyone. If you’re asking them to bring food, don’t assign appetizers to the friend who’s habitually late. Play to your guests’ strengths, and you’ll be setting the stage
for success.
DO: Curate the Vibe
Decorations, food, beverages, lighting, music, and the flow of the event—these are the secret ingredients to a party that everyone will be talking about. A great hostess doesn’t leave them as an afterthought; these factors are planned and prepped so the evening feels seamless. Make a checklist, stay organized, and always have a few backups (extra bags of ice never hurt anyone). Most importantly, keep your cool. Hosting isn’t about perfection—it’s about creating a warm, unforgettable atmosphere. If you’re willing to be the hostess, don’t let anxiety steal the spotlight. Overthinking kills the mood; confidence sets it free.
DON’T: Forget to Float
The biggest hosting mistake? Disappearing. Have things ready before guests arrive so you’re not stuck in the kitchen, hiding behind the bar, or glued to one small circle of friends. Greet each guest warmly, let them know you’re grateful they came, and make introductions for anyone who doesn’t know each other. Then—float. Your presence should be felt everywhere, keeping the energy light and lively. When the hostess is warm and engaging, the whole party follows suit.
DO: Have Fun!
This is your time to shine—the party you’ve planned, the moment you’ve created. Own it. You’re confident, capable, and completely in control. So, relax, sip something fabulous, and enjoy yourself. Because if the hostess is having fun, everyone else will, too.
Hey Guests:
You Have Dos & Don’ts, too!
DO—RSVP! People are planning around you, make the effort before the date on the invitation! (Everyone knows when you wait until the last minute to reply, you’re just waiting to see if something better comes along.)
DO—Compliment Your Host and Hostess. They put in the work, who doesn’t love to hear they pulled it off?
DO—Mingle! Your host curated the guest list. Everyone is there for a reason. Introduce yourself, make new friends, smile and make new connections.
DON’T—Show Up Empty Handed: A hostess gift is always appreciated, a bottle of wine, a small treat, a card thanking her for including you.
DO—Know Your Limits: Have fun, be yourself, but don’t be the topic of conversation the next day.
DO—Let your host know via text or send word with another friend if you can’t make it at the last minute. Refrain from calling directly during the hour before the party.
DON’T—Arrive early! Those last 10 minutes can be the difference in wet or dry hair!
DON’T—Bring uninvited guests. Your hostess didn’t plan for them; this will make things awkward.
DON’T—Dull the vibe: Leave your problems at home and arrive with a positive attitude. If you had trouble with the babysitter or got cut off in traffic on the way, keep it to yourself. It’s party time!
DON’T—Bring food to the party if the hostess didn’t ask you to. The menu has been carefully planned and unexpected food adds stress.
DON’T (we have to repeat this one) Call your hostess during the hour before the party. This is crunch time, phone calls add stress!