Hissy Fit - October 2016

As I pulled out of the driveway to head to Columbia, SC to visit my mother, I had the nagging feeling I was forgetting something. It wasn’t until the next day that I realized I had forgotten all my hanging clothes. I only had the clothes I wore, two pairs of heels and workout clothes. Wanting to take my mother to church for homecoming Sunday, I rushed out and purchased a quick, make-do outfit. It was way out of my normal shopping habits at a store I never go to. It was cheap—like $13 cheap, but it looked OK.

As I waited in line to pay for my newfound outfit, I thought about what if I get compliments. Would I say, like so many do, “Seriously? I got this thing for $13? And that’s the passing thought that breathed life into this article about us women, and how we are not very good at accepting compliments.

First of all repeat after me: I am not obligated… to tell people… something is cheap, free, old or store-bought. All I have to do… is say thank you.

Example No. 1: I am a cook and especially enjoy baking. I make killer German chocolate, coconut, honeybun, pound, lemon-apricot, chocolate and carrot cakes and pies, too. (Pie season is almost here!) In fact, I took a German chocolate cake to my family beach weekend over the summer, and by night one, someone had hidden the cake. My cousin Kemp pointed out, “I guess if your food is just 'good' it gets to stay in the kitchen, but if it’s 'great' it gets hidden.” It was hilarious! We bantered about it all weekend, wondering where that cake was.

However, sometimes I don’t have time to bake a cake, and I will buy something to take to an event. It used to make me break out in hives, and if someone complimented me on it, I would go into a long explanation of how I didn’t have time, and it is store-bought and I’m so sorry, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know…the same words that have come out of your mouth when trying to minimize a compliment, which is all so unnecessary. Stop downplaying yourself. Let’s learn to receive a compliment with grace. More importantly, BELIEVE the compliment. Allow yourself to bask for a second. You did good, girl! Enjoy the moment.

Solution No. 1: Here's an easy response to use when you are at a loss for words: Thank you so much. I am glad you are enjoying it!

When I told my friend Alison what I was writing about, she explained how uncomfortable she is in accepting a compliment. “I always down play it. I don’t know what to say. I need to come up with some words and learn to accept the compliment," she said. My thoughts exactly!

Example No. 2: I was shopping with Alison and she was trying on clothes. She knows I’m the type of friend who tells the truth. If you have something in your teeth or a booger in your nose, you can count on me to let you know. I decided to be that way when after a long night at a convention early in my career, I discovered one side of the bottom my skirt was stuck in my underwear and no one had told me All. Night. Long. Seriously, I had just networked my ass off while actually showing my ass. I was embarrassed beyond belief and only barely survived by telling myself, “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger over and over and over again.”

Anyway, back to the dressing room with Alison, she came out in a great outfit. It looked dynamite. I got so excited and she said, “Really. You like it? It looks good?” Yes, yes and double yes! Buy it now! She did and it’s become one of those outfits that helps her feel powerful. So what if she gets a compliment on it? It wasn’t cheap and it seriously looks fabulous. How do you downplay that? And more importantly, why? When we diminish compliments are we minimizing the garment, food, or hairstyle, or are we diminishing ourselves? It’s the latter—it was a rhetorical question.

Solution No. 2: Do not EVER state the age, price, misfittings, or flaws of an outfit when given a compliment on your clothes. Simply say, “Thank you. That makes me feel great!” Easy enough, right?

Lastly, we have to talk hair—one of the most complimented things on the planet. We are women and we all know we only have two good hair days every six weeks: The day we get our haircut and the day before our next appointment. Hairstyles definitely enhance our looks, and most of us work hard to get our hair to perform daily. So in anticipation of that compliment that will be coming on your hair, start talking to yourself right now. Cull out these thoughts or any others like them: I hate my hair; my hair is too curly, straight, coarse, long, short, etc.; I can’t do a thing with my hair. No one needs to know you haven’t washed it in three days, or you haven’t had it cut in a year, or you have gray hair coming out at the roots—for God’s sake do not lift your hair and point out your roots! Why do we do this? Baffling. It doesn’t matter why; I just say stop it.

Solution No. 3: Embrace your hair and at the very least respond with “Thank you. That made my day!” If you can’t muster up accepting the compliment for yourself, which I want you to do, you can begin by giving credit to your hairdresser, “Thank you. I have a great hairdresser.” Does that feel better?

We women really know how to complicate compliments. I just text my only writer who’s a dude. I said, “Great job!” referring to his oyster article (pg. 36). His response, “Thanks!” Wow. That was really easy.