Single File - March 2024
One and Only You!
"Single File" - February 2024 Issue
by Susan Deitz
Be aware of your personhood and to make sure you are
expressing it in and out of a love relationship.
Single life is a series of challenges. But the one that leaves me breathless even as I write this is the supersize twin dare to be undependent (aka whole) during unpartnered phases and to keep that sense of self while coupled. And no, that's not an impossible dream. Radical, yes, but eminently doable. What it takes is conscious—and constantvigilance.
The payoff? Huge. Long-term lovers know that individuality keeps the spark alive, nourishing mutual respect and adding to the joy of togetherness. And frankly, I can't imagine a more thrilling game plan! Here you are, definitely not a blob, when you meet someone who fills a very special niche in your life. Yet in the midst of your joyous discovery, there is the nagging question of how to keep this going for a very long time. The angel on your shoulder whispers, "Game playing absolutely prohibited." The savvy single listens hard—and hears.
It's so easy to slip into old ways, taking for granted this precious wish fulfilled. We've all been with couples whose line of communication consists of barbs, a form of guerrilla warfare that makes everyone present more than a little uncomfortable. A male friend of mine long ago warned me to be careful with a beloved, and that word stays with me still. It's the one-word formula for lasting love because it includes so much: respect, friendship, serene lovingness. Sounds great. But can it be sustained?
A resounding "yes" from this corner! Provided the two of you keep your personhood and hang on for dear life. Yes, we're back to that magic word: individuality. So many of us—mainly females, I admit—promise ourselves we'll surrender our personhood when we merge. We do it in the name of true love, because deep in our DNA is the mistaken belief that being our own person (authentic) amounts to selfishness, which is, so goes the fiction, the kiss of death for true love. And so the foundation is laid for complete emotional meltdown. One partner—usually us, dear ladies—proceeds to melt into a shapeless, formless, opinionless, mute sweetie-pie little nothing who hides the real person she is and bores her partner to tears.
Not exactly a formula for love eternal.
So, dear ones, the assignment—should you choose to accept it—is to be aware of your personhood and to make sure you are expressing it in and out of a love relationship. Not the usual homework, I admit. But if it has been a heads-up for you, "Single File" has fulfilled its mission. See you next time!
Have a question for Susan?
You can reach her directly at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Catapulted into single life as a young widow and single parent, Susan Deitz’s unusually deep understanding of her new world was about to be born, a course in undependence (her term for the wholeness needed for a full life) unlike any she had known at Smith College. Totally unprepared for life without a mate, her nights were battles with fear and the dreaded what-ifs. But when those tigers retreated, each new dawn found a more confident woman. On her own, living out her singleness, she was using her own judgment to make decisions for her little family—minor perhaps in the wider world but crucial for her small family. And they proved to be good ones. From those years of life lessons learned the hard way came a lifework and the world of Single File. Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. © 2023 CREATORS