Hissy Fit

... because everyone needs one every once and awhile


You can imagine my astonishment when I learned that the wheat crackers I was eating had wheat in them. As I sat eating my wheat cracker, I read the box -a habit left over from my cereal eating days. I read through the ingredients' list, the first ingredient being whole-wheat flour. It was right on the label. However, after the ingredients list in a bold font was a warning: "This product contains wheat."

A few days later, the same thing happened again, except this time it was on the peanut butter. The ingredients' list read as follows: peanuts and salt (I like natural peanut butter). And there it was, right below the ingredients list, "Contains Peanuts". As if the fact that it is a jar of peanut butter is not a big, fat giant clue that there could be peanuts inside. And of course there is wheat in a wheat cracker. That is why it is a wheat cracker.

Fearful and wondering what America was coming to if. I tentatively turned my attention to the can of roasted peanuts in the pantry just to check -to make sure that we, as a society, had not fallen into the eternal pits of stupidity with no return. "No," I mentally begged and as I picked up the can and slowly turned it to the backside, oh good glory there it was, "Contains Peanuts".  I buried my face into my hands wondering when Americans became so unintelligent.

Am I the only one embarrassed and mortified by this blatant condescension?  Am I the only one who cares that this has a chance of making us all look like idiots? I am offended because this gross over-statement of the obvious is probably a result of outrageous lawsuits. How anyone can claim they had no idea that a can of peanuts contains peanuts, I haven't a clue. Or how a lawyer could stand up in a court of law, with a straight face, and defend someone who did not know peanuts contain peanuts -far beyond my realm of consciousness. But what truly baffles me is that a cast of 12 United States citizens resembling a jury, at one time must have believed that someone really didn't know that peanuts contained peanuts and fined the peanut plant a million dollars or more, thus dumbing down America another notch, as if we have notches to spare.
Did you know that Duraflame logs are flammable? Yep, warns you of it on the box. I have to admit I'm actually counting on them to be flammable. Does that make me dangerous? I was planning to build a fire with them, but not in the forest or on a windy day, even though the box probably warns of that too.  Am I using them wrong? Am I supposed to wear them to bed and pray my tossing and turning won't ignite a spark?

I am now shutting my eyes and clicking my heels together exclaiming, "There's no sense like common sense!" Who, who, who, please tell me who, needs this warning on the log? It's a fire log, it's hopefully flammable. hence the name.

I have a gut feeling that the people (if they really do exist, and I am doubtful and hopeful all at the same time) that don't understand that peanuts contain peanuts aren't reading the labels. How would a lawyer explain that one?

Peanut Plant: We put a warning right on the label that the peanuts contain peanuts.

My client didn't see it.

Peanut Plant:
What more should we be required to do? We have adhered to labeling codes and restrictions.

Maybe each package should have a talking device, similar to a greeting card that emits sound, and it should state that peanuts contain peanuts.

Peanut Plant:
We produce millions of cans of peanuts, why do we have to spend millions of dollars on repackaging and making our label talk when there can't be more than five adults in the US that don't know peanuts contain peanuts.

People cannot be responsible for their own actions. The burden is on you to ensure that your product is safe and labeled properly for all.

Peanut Plant:
To bad we don't sell cow manure.then we could warn everyone that this is all a bunch of.

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