Hissy Fit

There are some things in life that just make you go, "hmmm". A recent E-mail that I received made me do just that.
I had a person who is trying to get me to hire her yell at me via E-mail. I do not know her, I have never spoken with her, and I did not solicit her. She E-mailed me twice, to which I had not responded -yet - then decided to be catty and not only yell at me for not responding, but also chastise me in the same sentence.
So let me get this straight: you want a job with me; you want me to pay you money out of my company; and you yell at me for not responding to your TWO emails.

Well here's my response:
1. Congratulations on going above and beyond on trying to land a job. I know that sending two Emails was painstakingly difficult.
2. Please let me thank you for respecting my time and knowing my calendar so well that you have the authority to know when I have crossed the line in not responding within your time frame.
3. May I commend you on your confidence to let your best side show and your people skills soar? You are exactly the type of person I want to send out on assignments to interview wonderful women and write heartfelt stories.
4. Finally, allow me to introduce you to today's market where there are plenty of non-yelling E-mailers also wanting a job. It's a tough decision, but I would definitely choose the non-yeller, even if their skill set were less. In all honesty, there is enough stress in the world - who needs people yelling at them?

It is wrong for people to verbally "punish" others for not doing things their way. This is a form of bullying and it needs to stop.  As adults, we have choices. Just because my choice doesn't jive with your choice, doesn't mean I deserve a verbal smack down, although, especially between women, it is usually more of a seething spreading of guilt.

Recently, I set a date for a dinner party and sent out an E-mail, non-yelling of course, to each invitee. One replied that she couldn't make it because she was going to be out of town. It couldn't stop there; she had to continue by reminding me that I had mentioned having the dinner in September. Seems innocent, but I felt it in my gut. Your gut always lets you know when something isn't right.

Well here's my response:
1.    September has passed. Obviously, I'm not having it in September and I'm not a bad girl because of it.
2.    It's a dinner party. It's supposed to be fun. Do I really need to be E-lectronically popped on the hand because I picked a date that doesn't work for you?

The Small Print:
All of this could be solved if we would all only remember to put ourselves in others' positions. When we are self-centered, thinking of our own needs and excluding all others, we tend to escalate situations in our minds. By thinking one-sidedly, a huge gap begins to develop between two parties because one person feels as if they have been wronged, while the other remains unaffected, thus forming an issue.

Take the yelling E-mailer for example. Her thought pattern was probably something like this: I have sent two E-mails and no one has responded. How rude. Can't they see how qualified I am? What is wrong with me? No, what is wrong with them? They could at least respond.

My Reality: My inbox is kicking my behind. Right now I have more than 7,000 E-mails that need to be gone through and sorted. I scan the inbox many times each day and do the best I can to handle what's happening in the immediate. I keep E-mails and refer back to them when a need arises. In discussing the topic of this article in the office, my graphic designer, Lindsay, told me she was disappointed when I didn't respond to her E-mail when she was trying to get hired, but now she understands. I probably called her six months or more after she had sent me her resume. It worked out for both of us: She is gainfully employed at Pink and Paisley and I think the world of her.

Now, let's move to the dinner party response. My guess is that her thought pattern went something like this: Elizabeth, said she was considering September for this gathering and she didn't do it. Now I am going to be gone and have to miss it. She should have done it in September when I could have been there.

My Reality: I wish my life were so neat and organized that I could have done it in September. It's just not and I'm doing the best I can. Sometimes I feel if I push myself anymore that my health is going to suffer.

I wish people would realize that most of us are doing the best we can. We are possibly living in the most over-stimulated, busiest times in all of history. As women, let's support each other.  If things aren't going your way, maybe you should offer to help instead of pulling out the whip. Change your attitude, change your world.and wouldn't it be such a better world if we all approached things with a more gentle, selfless heart?