Hissy Fit - April 2023 - Water Bottles Everywhere: And I Mean Everywhere

...because everyone needs one every once in awhile


April 2023 Issue
by Elizabeth Skenes Millen

Mother Earth has been making the talk show rounds in the
United States leading up to Earth Day on April 22.
Of course, she spoke of her relationships with both the sun and the moon,
and how they enjoy working together. “The three of us know it couldn’t work without each other. That’s why we get along so well. They really light me up!”
Mother Earth said.

After much chit chat about her favorite trees, her most recent storms and her explanation of why the sky is blue, she made sure to let every town, village and city across the world know that she loves them and wants the best for them. While Mother Earth made it clear she is a huge advocate of Earth Day celebrations all over the world and appreciates everyone taking a moment to remember her, she also made it clear, “It isn’t that complicated.”

“You don’t have to go overboard. There’s no need to get yourself upset, start protesting, signing petitions, or scaring people into submission. Earth Day is not only about remembering me, it’s about taking care of and taking pride in your home. Sometimes I think people forget I am their only hope for survival and their only place to call home. Have you seen the garbage in the streets of this city? I mean look what happened to Pluto. We are not going to have songs about how Earth is not a planet anymore!” she said while jokingly rolling her eyes. The audience laughed and embraced her, as they felt her loving authority envelop them.

Among her favorite creations are live oak trees and giant redwoods. “Just their shade alone is worth loving them for,” Earth commented. “One live oak can feed a thousand squirrels, house any size bird, even eagles, allow woodpeckers to peck away and still stay strong, provide nearly 300 square feet of shade, host all kinds of insects, even snakes and lizards, and hold a treehouse and a tire swing for children to play in—all at the same time! How can you not love an oak tree?”

She asked one morning show host if she had ever read Shel Silverstein’s book The Giving Tree saying, “I love that book. It shows how one tree took care of a little boy every step of his life to manhood and even in death.” She encouraged everyone to read it and hug a tree but emphasized you don’t have to be a full-fledged tree hugger for her to love you.

It was during her final appearance for this year’s Earth Day tour that she was asked, “If you could choose one thing people could do to help and honor you what would you choose?” Mother Earth looked deeply and seriously into the camera, scanned the audience, and said, “Plastic water bottles have got to stop!”

As the show’s host put his plastic water bottle down in embarrassment, she began to intellectually and emphatically preach about the damage she is experiencing and the open wounds she is trying to heal that have been caused from a pandemic of plastic water bottles.

“Let me tell every one of you something,” she started, and everyone knew Mama was speaking, and they better listen up. Sixty million plastic bottles are discarded every single day, and it takes 50 million barrels of oil each year to produce the demand of plastic bottles. Where do you think these empty bottles are going? Let this sink in—60 million a day—all trash. How do you think I feel when half of you don’t even drink all the water in the bottles? Parents letting kids drink a sip or two and then throwing it out. It takes 450 years—YEARS—for a single water bottle to decompose, and we have 60 million of them every day. But no one thinks of this because it’s just so convenient. Well, it’s not convenient for me!” she said, now visibly upset with tears welling in her eyes.

“People have convinced you that your public water is not safe to drink. Did you know 45% of bottled water is simply from a tap? That’s right. Companies fill plastic bottles with tap water and then sell it to you as a much safer and cleaner product at 2000 percent more expensive. So not only are they duping you, they also don’t give a damn about me, the one who has to deal with the mountains—like 68,000 shipping containers worth—of non-decomposing plastic—and this is just water bottles. Let’s not talk about soda, juice, milk, or any of the other plastic containers.”

The camera panned over a stunned audience, whose faces showed a variety of emotions—shock, sadness, anguish, anger. They knew Mother Earth was telling the truth, and they felt the shame of being part of the problem. It was obvious she was worried, and she asked them one simple thing—reduce your water bottle consumption. Even if we all went one day without water bottles, that would save 60 million plastic bottles from landfills, or being shipped to third world countries, or especially from being dumped into our oceans.

Imagine if we all just filled up our reusable water container each day how much we could help and heal Mother Earth—our home, our planet. Isn’t it remarkable that we can do something so easy, and yet make a monumental, lasting impact?

Won’t you do your part? Can you start today?