Life can be emotionally hard sometimes. The past two months have been for me. I'm not a crier, yet I find tears randomly rolling down my cheeks. I have awoken some complacency in me, but not without struggle, strife, and lack of peace. When my life-coach, Dr. Kathy Murphy, used to ask me what my life's goal was, I would jokingly reply, "I want to rule the world from my yacht in calm seas." It's a metaphor-the only problem is that seas are not always calm, and that's where I find myself right now. Sometimes calm water only appears calm on the surface, lulling us into ignoring the storm that is brewing beneath the surface.
I knew the day would come when my son would leave for college. I had no idea how it would affect me. I'm not hard-core crushed; I am happy for him. However, his leaving nudged me to start evaluating my inner-self, to give myself a check-up from the neck up. You know, see where my head is, because a huge chunk of life just changed drastically. What I found staring back at me was a woman who had been ignoring herself in the name of good parenting. Suddenly, this was no longer okay with me, even though I still have my daughter at home. But, as it turns out, putting myself under the microscope-even though it is my own microscope-is pretty darn uncomfortable.
Change is difficult, but sometimes staying in your own dreadful rut is even worse. I learned a long time ago that people don't change until it's too painful not too. I quickly decided it was too painful to stay where I was. So I woke up. I started taking care of business.my business!
The first thing I began to focus on was my health. I was overweight and had been ignorantly ignoring it for years. I decided food was not as important as reversing my diabetes diagnoses. I began to walk every morning at the beach. This proved to be therapeutic on multiple levels. I reconnected with friends. I told them that I am available for socializing. I have changed my sleeping habits-retiring earlier and awaking earlier. I feel better, more alive, and that has begun to spill over at work. In fact, I was told three times last week that my ignited energy is infectious.
But it is not easy. Often my body and mind want to go back where it was simple, seemingly safe, and much less work-they want the perceived calm seas!
While I know that everything will work out for the best in the long run, getting there requires digging deep, holding steadfast, and pulling out all my inner knowledge and tools for handling rough water.
I put my goals out to you in this column back in July. Many of the changes I have made thus far, were on that list. I have been waking up around four o'clock every morning. Two people have told me this is the bewitching hour-the hour when our soul speaks to us, the hour when we need to pay attention.
I am paying attention, and moving forward towards a stronger, better, more alive Elizabeth. I am not too old, I am not too tired, I am not too fat, I am not too far gone that I can't stand in my beauty, intelligence, humor, femininity, and power and fully be the force I was put here to be during this one wild and precious life. Did you know you aren't either? Come stand beside me and let's bask!