Publisher - April 2017
“One more thing:
It’s my girl’s birthday.
Yep, Pink Magazine is 13.
Hang on, she’s about to get sassy!”
It’s spring and I have sprung. I’m ecstatic to finally feel hope re-enter my soul and happiness reconnect with my heart. It’s been a rough ride, and it’s not over. There is still a mountain of issues whirling around me—finalize divorce, re-build house, deal with insurance, work, work, work, etc. However, I have a new, fresh, positive, hopeful and light energy that has overtaken the sad, heavy burden of the last eight months. I can honestly say I am happy!
It didn’t happen overnight. I have worked daily to pull myself out of what I consider “walking depression.” I call it that because I would get up and do the minimum needed to be done; I didn’t want to, nor was anything joyous. I just kept treading along out of a sense of responsibility and obligation. In my despair, I implemented a few things that helped get me through:
Prayer: There were nights that I tossed and turned, and sleep was nowhere to be found. On these nights, I would totally surrender. Sobbing, I would literally get a basket and write down everything and everyone I couldn’t handle at that moment, put the list in the basket, give it to God and beg Him to take it. Miraculously, every time I did it, which was about four times, I would be asleep within 10-minutes. Two times I just did it within my mind, and it still worked. Lesson: Process your wants, needs, fears sadness, despair and problems through prayer, meditation, walking or writing. You need an outlet. Expect healing to come. It will!
Facing: When things are overwhelming, the best thing to do is NOT avoid them. Avoidance doesn’t make you feel better; it adds stress. I found the days I faced things head on, were my best days. The reason: It made me feel productive, which empowered me to feel confident I could handle the huge, daunting projects and the people who were breaking my spirit. Lesson: Get up and do something. Start to tackle it, and it will get easier by the minute. Baby steps may be slower and tinier, but they still move you in the right direction.
Gentleness: I gave myself a break. My counselor told me most people go into some sort of depression if one thing on life’s big 10 catastrophic list (divorce, empty nest, house, death of a loved one, etc…) happens to them, and then he counted that I had seven out of 10 going on at the same time. I started being gentler with myself. If I wanted to stay in my pajamas all day on Sunday and sleep, I allowed it without putting a label on it. I started admitting to people, “I’m doing the best I can.” I’m usually someone who goes the distance, but I was doing things half-heartedly, and decided that was good enough for right now. I know my personal trainer got fed up with my low-energy slackness, but I would say, “At least I showed up.” This is a far cry from the way I normally move through life. But life was beating me up enough; I didn’t need to tag team. Lesson: Be gentle on yourself. It can be a great relief because sometimes we are our own worse enemy.
Girlfriends: As much as I wanted to isolate myself and hibernate, my best friends would not allow it. They showed up for me. In fact, so many people showed up for me in the form of letters, emails, calls, cards, texts, invitations, stopping by the office and more. It was amazing to see how much so many of you care and could relate. I appreciate it so much. My two BFF’s would make sure I was included and saying yes to social gatherings, and some nights they would just sit in the den with me as I cried. Friendship is truly a gift. I have a quote by Toni Morrison on the wall in the lobby at the office, which is about having true girlfriends. It reads, “She is a friend of mind. She gather me, man. The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order. It’s good, you know, when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind.” I am so grateful to have so many who are a friend of mind. Lesson: Value your girlfriends. They are lifesavers. If you have gotten to a place in life where husband, children, job, etc. have left your girlfriends behind, go back and get them! You have lost your diamonds!
I can’t tell you how excited I am to feel light again. Next month, I will tell you all the wonderful things this “lightness” entails and how you can do it, too. Until then, here is a preview because I want you to apply it, starting right now:
Say Yes: After being pushed, pulled and tugged in every direction and feeling like you’ve lost yourself completely to shear busyness, you probably want to say NO to everything. However, I want you to say YES! Not to everything, though. I had to make a list of what I enjoyed because I had forgotten. These are the things I began saying yes to and taking risks for. Recently, I said yes to Wine Fest. I hadn’t been in four years. Not only did I say yes, I had a “pre-game” breakfast party the morning of Wine Fest. It was a blast! Mimosas, cheese grits, sausage casserole, cinnamon buns, fruit, coffee and 12 friends—at 9:30 in the morning! Who parties in the morning? I do. That’s who, and it was one of the most fun, simple prep, inexpensive parties I’ve ever thrown.
I’m saying yes to the new and different because I’m ready to begin again and I’m not looking back because that’s not the way I’m going! It’s time to stop focusing on what happened and start basking in what can be. I’ll meet you at the corner of Future and Hell Yeah; I hear it's a great place to live!
One more thing: It’s my girl’s birthday. Yep, Pink Magazine is 13. Hang on, she’s about to get sassy!