Hissy Fit - December 2016
What’s the most frustrating thing about Christmas Day? I’ll give you three guesses. It’s not timing the dinner correctly so that everything is ready at the same time. It’s not gritting your teeth and rolling your eyes at your obnoxious uncle who thinks he knows everything, and it’s not listening to your sister preparing her list of returns. The most annoying thing on Christmas Day is trying to get the toy packages open so your child can actually play with the toys inside of them.
Correct me if I’m wrong but one should not have to put on work gloves and work up a sweat to get Barbie out of her blister pack. It tells you right on the package if batteries are required. However, there is no mention you may need a full set of tools to actually free her from her package. You don’t have to be a brain surgeon to figure it out, but it might be an advantage. After all, it takes at least one assistant to hand you the tools as you methodically inspect the next step in snipping, tweezing, separating, untwisting and cutting the toy free.
“Pliers, check; screwdriver, check; wire cutters….” Sounds like surgery to me. Which beckons the question, Why is it you need the “Jaws of Life” to get poor Barbie out of her packaging? Hello, it’s not Car-Wreck Barbie! No one should have to wage war with a package. Granted, you will ultimately win, but not without a note in the history books recounting the Battle at Blister Pack.
It’s easy to quickly figure out why it is called blister packaging. By the time you have fumbled and fought, and blundered and bungled, and struggled and scuffled with the package to get her out, there is at least one blister on each hand.
I have to stop and wonder about the people who work in the packaging department at the Barbie factory. You never hear about anyone at a toy factory “going postal.” Maybe, it’s because they have gotten all of their frustrations out by binding and gagging Barbie all day. Or, maybe they are the safest people in the world, merely making sure Barbie arrives unscathed on the toy store shelf. Nonetheless, I want to know if they have considered the undue stress and potential heart attacks that can occur by wrestling with a package. The struggle is real.
Here’s what I envision going down in the packaging department: Quality control performs a detailed inspection, following a strict guidelines checklist. The QC inspector mentally notes, “She’s strapped around her waist, both wrists, her neck and both ankles. We better add one more cable tie around her hips just in case there’s a tsunami on the way to America.” What’s the chance? Come on; a heart attack is much more likely.
Here’s the bottom line: Children’s toys should not have to come in childproof packages. Makes sense to me, but get your toolbox out to be ready. I hope you have a great holiday, but please, go easy on the Scotch…tape that is. It’s already hard enough without having to struggle to unwrap the present, too!