From the Publisher - July 2016

“Don’t compare yourself
to anyone in this world.
If you do, you are insulting yourself.”
—Bill Gates

Research is underway to prove that people are not near as happy as their Facebook pages promote. I don’t need to wait for the data; I already know it’s true…sometimes. Why? Because we are human, and regardless of how beautiful, smart, rich, savvy, outgoing, skinny or privileged, we all have bouts of unhappiness, failure, heartache, problems and embarrassments. Everyone…period.

One time I had an employee who was eaten up with jealousy and unrealistic thoughts (this is pre-Facebook). If someone pulled beside her at a traffic light and was driving a Jag, Porsche, Benz, etc. it would enrage her. She knew for sure the drivers of those cars had perfect lives. She thought life was so unfair and in no way could she be happy for others. How imprisoning.

I explained: You have no idea what those people’s lives are like. Just because they have an expensive car doesn’t mean they are financially set, happy or even rich. They could be up to their eyeballs in debt. They could be behind on payments. Their mom or husband could have died yesterday. They could have cancer. They may be in a bad marriage. They could be an abuser or in an abusive relationship. I gave her all kinds of possible scenarios to prove that outward appearances are not necessarily congruent with inner peace, fulfillment or happiness. Bottom line: You NEVER know what other people are going through and you really shouldn’t assume based on external factors.

I don’t know whether it’s a fortunate or unfortunate thing, but no one is happy all the time. That is a fact. If we were happy all the time, we would get bored with happiness and not value it. I for one am not happy all the time. I have many standard issues that basically come with life. If there was a manual for life, like for cars, most of my problems would be in there. I have to admit, there have been times I have shown up for Partini’s and laughed and smiled while on the microphone giving away prizes and hugging everyone, even though I had cried the entire way to the event.  I have been in situations where I felt like I had no one to turn to and just buried my head in my pillow and prayed to God in desperation. I tell you this not for pity, but so you know without a doubt that you are not the only one having to make lemonade out of lemons at times.

Life is hard. One way to make it harder and less enjoyable is to compare ourselves to others and allow Facebook happy posts bring us down. Steven Furtick, founder of Elevation Church, made an excellent point when he said, “The reason we struggle with insecurity is we compare our “behind-the-scenes” to everyone else’s “highlight reel.” This is 100 percent true. It’s something we all do at times and it is damaging to our own happiness. Do you realize comparing yourself to others steals your happiness, esteem and worth? It totally zaps it…so stop doing it!

The best advice I’ve seen, “if you must compare yourself to someone, is to compare yourself to who you were yesterday.” I love this! We know ourselves better than anyone else and know how we want to improve, grow or tweak ourselves. Comparing yourself to who you were yesterday keeps the focus on growth and progress, as opposed to lack and deficiency.

I’m not bashing Facebook happy posts. I actually think they are good and I like them! The world dwells on the bad, the unhappy and the shocking. This is damaging on numerous levels. It penetrates its damage into the core of individuals, communities, even our country. On the flip side, what’s wrong with seeing people happy? I’m actually happy they are happy. Seeing people celebrating a happy moment and pressing the thumbs up icon to share their happiness from afar is therapeutic. It’s a good way to learn to start being happy for others.

Many people can’t handle other’s happiness or success—sad but true. I know a girl who got into a specific college and lost her best friend because she wasn’t accepted. The friend couldn’t be happy for the girl and couldn’t contain her anger to the college (or herself, which is where the lesson is). Somehow, she blamed her friend for her not getting accepted. I can understand this train of thought, as I was a little like this in my 20s and 30s.

BUT…here’s the thing: Someone else’s good fortune, success and happiness in NO way diminishes yours! There is not a giant bucket that holds all the happiness and success in the world and when it’s out, it’s all gone. You have your own individual bucket and it’s completely up to you what to fill it up with. If you currently have your bucket filled with jealousy, anger, self-doubt and other yuck, dump it out right now! Choose to fill it with love (self-love!), appreciation, excitement, joy, determination, plenitude, contentment and peace. If you can’t oust the jealousy completely, decide to give it only 5 percent of bucket space, towards the bottom, so it has to work really hard to escape!

I have heard the grass is always greener where you water it. The filled bucket works on the same theory. Your bucket is filled with what you decide to put in it. The choice is 100 percent yours. Let me know what you decide to fill it with. I’m getting ready to dump my bucket of yuck right now and fill it with something way better! And, don’t let me catch you looking in someone else’s bucket. Focus on your own and, before you know it, it will be gushing with goodness!